Bringing Your Toddler to Holiday Parties

By Jennifer Goldbronn

Last time, we shared some tips for making it easier for you and your baby to deal with the hustle and bustle of holiday gatherings. What about older babies and toddlers? What can you do to help them stay calm and happy? Here are some ideas to keep in mind.

1. Older babies have great memories! They remember if Aunt Rita always tries to take them away from you for that big hug. Family members are often very excited to see your baby! This can come across a bit scary to a baby that has someone rushing up to them and excitedly clapping or talking to them in a high pitched voice. Babies also remember how their parents reacted to certain family members. If you tense up when Aunt Rita comes running toward you, your baby will see your tension and learn that you think that Aunt Rita is scary too!

2. Toddlers learn about their world by creating scripts in their minds for common occurrences (like bedtime or getting dressed) and by assigning “jobs” to the people in their lives (i.e. every night Dad gives me a bath, mom reads me a story). For people that your baby does not see very often, babies may be more apprehensive with them because they don’t know what their job is.

3. As older babies gain the ability to move away from their caregiver (crawl, walk, etc.), they also develop an instinct that tells them to stay close to their caregiver. This is important for their safety but can also make family gatherings challenging when everyone wants to hold your baby.

Tips for navigating holiday gatherings

Now that you understand why older babies behave the way they do in these types of situations, we want to share some tips to help you through the upcoming holiday season!

·         Explain what you know about your baby and set boundaries with family members. Make sure they give your baby time to warm up first.

·         Watch your own facial expressions and body language. If you are worried that a particular family member will rush up and try to grab her from you before she is ready, your baby will know! You may be nervous or frustrated for other reasons and these feelings show as well. If you enter a party rushed and stressed, your baby will see it in your face and may become upset when introduced to people right away. So, try to smile and relax when introducing your baby to people!

·         Create a routine for when you see family members and talk her your toddler though it. Tell her what she is about to see and do. Your family members might think it is odd, but they will get used to it after a while. For example, whenever you get to a new party, sing the same song before you go in the door and introduce your child to everyone in the same way.

·         Change your expectations. Knowing your baby’s normal development at this age, don’t be surprised if he or she wants to stay near you the whole time! It’s OK! If others want to hold her, have them stay close by so that your baby can still see you. Given time and familiarity, your toddler eventually will calm down and enjoy the party too.

Baby's (and Toddlers) Day at the Zoo - Part 2

Last week (after my adult daughter and I had spent a day at the San Diego zoo), we shared some tips to help you plan your own trip to the zoo with your baby or toddler. In this post, we'll share more of our experience and offer some Baby Behavior-related suggestions to help you have more fun and less stress during your day at the zoo.

On the day of your trip...
1. Be ready to play games in the lines. My daughter and I saw many parents waiting with their children in the long lines at the gate. The happiest groups were prepared with plenty of age-appropriate distractions for the kids. Their older kids were playing "eye spy" and the babies and toddlers were playing peek-a-boo or looking nearby for shapes and colors. Games played in lines don't have to be elaborate. Repetitive games that encourage your baby or toddler to use her senses and mind work best.

2. Support safe exploration. Zoos and large parks are wonderful but potentially dangerous places. Many parents worry about their children getting lost in public places. We know that you'll take care to keep your toddler close to you but you'll need to keep a close watch on everything your toddler is doing. Healthy toddlers will actively explore the world around them. That's how they learn. In zoos, there are non-stop opportunities for your child to pick things up off the ground, fall on uneven surfaces, slip on wet pavement, or get knocked over by a crowd straining to see an animal exhibit. We saw a couple of little ones get pressed up against the window by a crowd at the lion enclosure after their parents pushed them forward to get a better look.We don't want you to be paranoid about it, we just you to recognize that someone's eyes are going to need to be on your toddler nearly all of the time. In a big zoo, it is best to bring other adults so you can take turns watching the kids.

3. If you use a backpack, remember that your baby needs "face time." We saw many parents carrying babies and toddlers in backpacks. Obviously, carrying your baby on your back can make your trip much easier, but your baby needs you to be part of her learning. We saw excited happy babies in backpacks pointing around the park while another adult (often mom or grandma) talked to them about what they were seeing. Unfornately, we also saw a few parents carrying their unhappy and frustrated babies without ever talking to the children or looking back at them. It didn't take long for their babies to lose interest and glaze over. Remember, even the most exciting zoo sites won't be fun if you aren't involved in your baby's experience.

4. Watch for your baby's cues. Your baby will let you know when he's had enough of the sounds, sights, and smells at the park. Watch for cues that your baby is getting overwhelmed or tired. Just taking a break in some quiet shady spot or letting your baby nap in your arms can make a huge difference. You can stop the meltdowns before they get started.

5. Tell park staff right away if your baby drops or throws anything into an enclosure. When we were looking at the giant tortoise, an excited preschooler threw a cap from a soda bottle into the enclosure just as his group moved away. He didn't really know what he was doing and his parents (busy with other children) didn't notice what he had done. We stopped a park volunteer and let her know what happened and they took care of it right away. These things can be embarrassing but the park staff understand that young children will be impulsive. Even small pieces of plastic can be dangerous for animals, so let someone know.

6. Some exhibits require children to be quiet, so be realistic and think twice about standing in long lines. The San Diego zoo has a world famous giant panda exhibit that is well worth seeing. The animals are so popular that the wait time in line to see them can be 45 minutes or more. Because Pandas have such sensitive hearing, the staff must ask visitors to be quiet when they are close enough to see the animals. If your child is too young to keep from squealing, screaming, or shouting, you might want pass on exhibits that require quiet visitors. It is not a matter of discipline or parenting; babies and toddlers have very limited ability to control themselves. Just be realistic; you know your child best.

7. Give your child time to get emotionally ready to leave the park. We saw many toddlers who were very upset when they had to leave the park. While it is hard for any child to give up having fun, most do much better when they have some warning. Some children are fine with a moment or two, others need 10 or 20 minutes to get used to ending a fun activity. The difference isn't a matter of discipline, its temperament. You are likely to know how long your baby needs to adjust to change. Don't forget the simple step of letting your child know ahead of time when you are ready to leave the zoo.

8. Get your baby/toddler ready for the gift shop, before you go in. Zoo gift shops are chaotic places. Even if your baby or toddler is able to understand what she can and cannot have, she may be overwhelmed by all the noise and excitement. Let your child know what is ok and not ok before you go inside and be sure to watch for cues. If your child does have a meltdown, having another adult who can stand in line for purchases while you step outside can be a big help.

Zoos are wonderful places to take children no matter what their age. We hope you use your knowledge of your baby's behavior to make the day more enjoyable for both of you.

(Photo Credit: Adrienne Heinig)

Baby's Day at the Zoo - Part I

Recently, my adult daughter and I had an opportunity to visit the San Diego Zoo. It is an amazing place and we had a wonderful day. As you might expect, we were surrounded by families from all over the world, many with babies and toddlers. Zoos and large parks are great places to take children, especially when you've done your homework and made a plan well ahead of time. In today's post, we'll share some tips to help you plan your zoo-day. Next time, we'll share some of what we learned on the day of our trip that might help make your experience as safe and as fun as possible.

Before you go....
1. Consider the cost (including admission, shows, food, water, and souvenirs) given that your baby or toddler may not be able to stay through the entire day or enjoy all of the activities. Even a stroller can get hot and uncomfortable, so don't count on one to get you through to the next exhibit after the meltdowns begin.

2. Create a realistic schedule/plan for your day that allows for meals, breaks, and rest time (for you and your baby). Go during the part of the day when your baby is most likely to be happy and alert. Large zoos take a long time to get through. If your baby is very young, you might want to concentrate in one area or choose a smaller zoo.

3. Prioritize the animals/sites you want to see. Even if your toddler can stay awake through most of the day, he might get overwhelmed by all the new sites and sounds. By mid-afternoon, we saw more than a few miserable parents with fussy babies and cranky toddlers. Most zoos have maps you can see online. If your toddler is old enough to help, make a list of your favorite animals together!

4. Speaking of maps, make sure you know the layout including distances, hills, and bathrooms! Find the routes that work best for your situation and fitness level. We saw a lot of tired parents pushing double strollers up steep hills!

5. Bring a crowd, or at least a couple of helpful adults to help. Excited children can wiggle away in an instant. It's always best to have more than 2 eyes or arms in such an exciting and potentially dangerous place. We were happy to see a lot of extended family members, especially with toddlers. Just make sure that every one knows who is watching your child at all times.

Next time, we'll share what we observed and learned during our time in San Diego to help your day at the zoo be more fun for you and your child.

Getting Ready for Holiday Travel

It's that time of year again! Families everywhere are packing suitcases  and heading out to highways or airports for holiday trips to see friends and family members. Some of you are uneasily making checklists and hoping that you haven't forgotten anything important for your baby's first big trip. Others have taken so many family trips that you have a special patented system for fitting 7 bags and the portable sleeper in a space where the uninitiated could only squeeze 2 suitcases and a diaper bag.

This time of the year, we traditionally share our tips for traveling with your infant and/or toddler. So here they are:

• For general tips, try our 10 Tips for Traveling with Your Baby.
• On your own with your baby? Check out these specific tips. 
• Planning a plane trip with your toddler? Here are some things you need to know.
• Visiting friends? Here are some tips for making the visit less stressful.
• Finally, read this post for tips to keep your baby or toddler from becoming overstimulated despite all the excitement, fun, and stress that comes from traveling during the holidays.

We wish you all safe and peaceful travels this holiday season.

Toddler Tantrums on Planes Part II

Last time, we shared a story about a 2-year-old who threw a tantrum while her parents tried to get her strapped into her own seat on an airplane. After a few minutes, her parents were able to get her secured in her seat but shortly after that, they were informed that the pilot had decided to have the family removed from the plane. This is obviously not something that happens very often. In fact, the family ended up in the news because it was so unusual. Since none of us was on the plane with this family, we have no idea what really happened or what might have been done to prevent the situation. However, in today's post, we want to share some information about 2-year-olds that might help those of you who are planning for a plane trip soon.

The Truth about Two's

1. Two's use "scripts" to make sense of the world.

Imagine if you had been suddenly dropped into an unknown country with customs entirely new to you. You don't know your way around, you only know some of the language, and every day you find yourself completely confused by something new and strange. While you might be excited about exploring this new place, you would want to make sense of things as quickly as possible so you don't get lost or make mistakes. This is not too far from how older babies and toddlers must feel. Their desire to learn and explore is very strong but they do want to feel like they know what is going on. Young babies learn to connect actions and outcomes (like feeding cues and being fed) but that is not enough to understand the world. Toddlers must string together actions and events into "scripts" about how the world works. For example, toddlers learn that at dinner time, they smell something cooking, they are lifted into their high chairs, they are given food, and everyone talks while they play with their food. They will learn scripts for bedtime, scripts for going to day care, scripts for going to the park. When toddlers are not able to predict what is happening, they will cling to their parents (and refuse to sit in their own seats). While it may not be possible to make a "plane script," you can help your child make a "traveling" script by having a routine when you travel by car and/or by repeating stories about each step that happens when you fly.

2. Two's cannot control their emotions once they get out of control.

Many people assume that children have the same ability to control their emotions as adults do. They do not. Just as you would not expect a two-year-old to understand algebra, you should not expect that she will control her emotions once they get out of control. Two's are not developmentally ready to do that. The trick is to prevent the meltdowns in the first place. While you can't always do that, developing scripts, watching for cues, and doing what you can to keep your child physically comfortable (with naps, snacks, and cuddles before plane rides), you can do a lot to help your child travel without tears.

3. Two's look to their parents to help them know what to think and feel.

Public tantrums are stressful and embarrassing. We all want our children to behave and not to disturb other people. When they don't, it is hard to stay calm and in charge. But that's what your child needs you to do when she loses control. If she is starting to lose it, seeing you panic will make things much worse. She watches you to figure out what she should be feeling. She needs you to be firm, strong, and calm even if other people are upset. Use your face and body language to help your child understand that things are ok even if she isn't familiar with what is happening.

So, if you are traveling with your 2-year-old anytime soon, do your best to help your child learn a "plane script" by telling stories, practicing sitting in the car seat, or by imaginary play. Watch for early cues that your child is becoming overwhelmed and do your best to address the problem before it gets out of hand. If, despite your best efforts, your child becomes upset, stay calm, firm, and use your voice, face, and body language to show your child that  you will keep her safe.

Baby Behavior in the News: Toddler Tantrums on Planes

Yesterday morning on MSNBC, we noticed a segment that had aired on The Today Show about a family who was told to leave a flight after their 2-year-old threw a tantrum when she was being strapped into her seat. Apparently, she wanted to be held by her mother rather than sit in her own seat. The family had been traveling for quite awhile and toddler had missed her nap. While the details of what happened on the plane were not provided, it is likely that she was screaming and fighting while the crew were preparing for take-off and it had taken the mother some time to get the child strapped into her seat. The airline said that they had told the family to leave the plane because they had failed to comply with crew member instructions. An online poll among Today Show viewers indicated that 71% of those responding to the survey agreed with the airline's actions. As you might expect, the comments on the story are, on the whole, harsh and unsupportive of the family.

The fact that this was considered national (though morning) news is a good indicator of how unusual something like this is. Not that the toddler had the tantrum but the fact that the tantrum got her family removed from a plane. This story provides another illustration of the distorted views of parenting and childhood that have become so common (at least in the media). The comments and the results of the poll made it clear that people who responded thought that lack of discipline was the problem and that the parents should have had more control over the situation. Of course, we have a different point of view. Let's look at some pertinent facts.

The toddler involved is 2 years old. A 2-year-old has very little control over their emotions and if she gets overtired, overstimulated, or frightened, she is likely to have a tantrum. While some tantrums can be short and relatively low-key, others can get completely out of hand before the child settles down and all the parents can do is protect the child and others. Many people believe that very young children and toddlers can control their emotions if they only try but their brains are not yet capable of dealing with strong emotions. It is not a matter of choice or discipline, its related to brain maturation. If the child had been 4 or 5, the expectation would have been different. We encourage you to read our series on tantrums (see the links below) to learn more about the research in this area.  

The toddler had missed her nap. Given that the parents couldn't ask the airline to schedule the plane according to their toddler's routine, it is not surprising that the child was overtired and stressed. Traveling can be overwhelming for babies and overstimulation can lead to a lot of tears and difficult behavior. Parents can do a lot to reduce but not eliminate overstimulation while traveling (see the links below) and sometimes difficult behavior will result. Most of the time tantrums are short and self-limited when parents recognize what is happening.  

The parents did not have options typically available for dealing with tantrums. In a restaurant, most parents would take a fussy baby or toddler outside or at least hold them in their laps to limit stimulation or distract them. Getting ready for take-off, these options were not open to the parents but the 2-year-old had no way to know that. The 2-year-old had an expectation that her mother would hold her when she was distressed. At 2, children are not capable of understanding that a plane is different than a restaurant or any other place away from home.

Next time, we'll share some ideas about what might have been helpful in this situation. In the meantime, let us hear from you if you have any traveling stories with your children, good or bad.

Tantrums:

http://www.secretsofbabybehavior.com/2010/07/lets-talk-about-tantrums-part-i-basics.html

http://www.secretsofbabybehavior.com/2010/07/lets-talk-about-tantrums-part-2-common.html

http://www.secretsofbabybehavior.com/2010/07/lets-talk-about-tantrums-part-3.html

Traveling with Babies:

http://www.secretsofbabybehavior.com/2009/12/slight-detour-10-tips-for-traveling.html

http://www.secretsofbabybehavior.com/2010/08/10-tips-for-traveling-on-your-own-with_10.html

Reader Question: Why do Toddlers’ Bite?

For this post, we’ll take a short detour from our scheduled posts to respond to one of our readers who asked: Why do toddlers bite? What are some ways to manage this behavior? My son is 14mos.

Since our reader did not explain why she was asking this question, we don’t know if the biting is related to teething (like biting down occasionally on mom or dad in hopes to relieve the discomfort and pressure on the gums) or aggression. Since biting due to teething comes up much earlier than 14 months, we’ll assume we need to talk about why toddlers may bite their parents or other children when they are angry, frustrated, or sad.

Reasons for Toddler Biting

Aggressive behavior in young children is one of the toughest challenges parents face. Hitting, biting, kicking, and throwing things are common ways toddlers express strong emotions. At 14 months, your son is at a particularly tough age because he is old enough to cause some damage when he becomes aggressive but he is a long way from being able to control his impulses. To understand more about tantrums and aggressive behaviors in older infants and toddlers, we refer you to our earlier series on the topic. When toddlers are prevented from exploring something that interests them or when they must stop doing something that makes them happy, they will become frustrated, angry, or sad. Because they have no way to control these raw and unfamiliar emotions, they lash out any way they can. For many children, especially children who are orally oriented (they put everything in their mouths), biting may be a satisfying weapon. For older children (2 ½ or 3 years old), a disciplinary measure like a “time out” or removal of a favorite toy might be helpful but at 14 months, your son is too young to respond to formal discipline. His impulses are too strong. He doesn’t have the self-control to stop himself when he starts to bite something. Think of it like this; let’s say your son is going down a playground slide and half-way down, you tell him to “stop right there!” It just won’t work. Once he’s started down the slide, his momentum will carry him all the way down to the end. So how would you stop him? You would have to reach over and pull him off the slide. Just as your toddler would need your help to stop going down the slide, your biting toddler needs your help to stop him from biting.

Tips for Dealing with Toddler Biting

1. Prevent biting by watching for your child’s early signals that he is stressed, angry, or sad. Act quickly to redirect or remove him from situations that may end with him biting.

2. Know the normal developmental milestones for toddlers. For example, toddlers have a hard time sharing things that really interest them and they tend to play in parallel rather than with other children. Parents, who expect toddlers to “play nice” with other children, may end up dealing with a lot of aggressive behavior including biting.

3. Biting happens so quickly that you may not be able to intervene fast enough to stop it but you must step in  as fast as you can. Gently but firmly restrain your child so that he can’t bite (or can’t bite again) and don't let him go until he is calm again. Don’t be afraid to make it clear that you are disappointed or upset but there is no reason to shout. Tell your son that you understand that he is angry or sad but he is not allowed to bite. Explain why. This may seem a little strange but your son is able to understand your words long before he can use words himself. Your toddler does want to please you. By showing and explaining your reaction, you will help him learn that biting will never help him get what he wants. Unfortunately, this is not a lesson that is learned right away and emotional control is many months away for your toddler. So, you'll need to go back to step 1 many times. Watch for "baby steps" toward less aggressive behavior as your toddler slowly learns to control himself.

Remember, your child is working very hard to learn from you every day. When you are able to help him understand his own emotions (while controlling your own), you are teaching him some of the most important lessons he will ever learn.

Next time: Back to Baby Behavior in the news!

Resources
1. A bite in the playroom: Managing human bites in child care settings. Paediatr Child Health. 2008;13(6):515-26.
2. Solomons HC, Elardo R. Biting in day care centers: incidence, prevention, and intervention. J Pediatr Health Care. 1991;5(4):191-6.
3. Lieberman AF. The Emotional Life of the Toddler. Simon and Schuster, Inc. 1993.

Our Favorite Baby Books: Part 1

Last time, Taryn shared the latest research about the value of reading to your baby or toddler. After talking excitedly about the special baby books we had read to our own children (or remembered from childhood), we realized that we needed more than one post to share our favorites with you! As you know, we don't promote or name products on this blog but we had to make an exception for these wonderful books (and no, we don't have any investments in bookstores or publishers). First up, JenG and Kerri share their favorite baby/toddler books.

JenG's Favorites

1. Counting Kisses By Karen Katz
This was a fun interactive book that I read to my daughter from the time she was only a few weeks old all the way until she was about 2 years old. In the beginning she simply loved being talked to and kissed. As she got older she learned all of her body parts as we kissed them throughout the book.

2. Goodnight Moon By: Margaret Wise Brown
This is a classic! If you haven’t already added it to your library, you probably should! This book is written as a beautiful poem that starts with saying goodnight to everything in a little bunny’s room. At an early age my daughter would point to the objects we were saying goodnight to as we went through the book, later she would finish my sentences: Goodnight ____. Goodnight____. The story ends with bunny asleep in his bed. This book provides a great transition to bedtime.

3. Guess How Much I Love You By: Sam McBratney
This story is the tale of a daddy rabbit and baby rabbit that try to outdo one another with examples of how much they love each other. It is very sweet. When I read it, I changed the wording so that it was mama rabbit. My daughter would always have this wide, confident smile after we read this book.

4. Llama Llama Red Pajama By: Anna Dewdney
A very sweet bedtime book that I found when my daughter was 12-18 months of age and struggling with bedtime. The rhyming was very comforting and almost lulled her to sleep. I was working during the day and so my favorite line was: “Mama is always near, even if I'm not right here." I wanted her to know that just because she couldn’t see me at times, didn’t mean I wasn’t coming back to her.

Kerri's Favorites
1. The Very Hungry Caterpillar by Eric Carle

The Very Hungry Caterpillar teaches about the days of the week, and the life cycle of a caterpillar. My daughter loved this book, especially the end when the caterpillar came out of the cocoon and was a beautiful butterfly.

2. White Rabbit’s Color Book by Alan Baker

This is a fun book about a white rabbit who jumps into different colors of paint (red, yellow, and blue) to become a different color. The rabbit takes a shower to wash each color paint off, but soon runs out of water and only has a little paint left. This is a great story to teach your child about colors and how 2 different colors can be mixed together to make a third color.

3. How Do Dinosaurs Say Goodnight? By Jane Yolen

My daughter and I read this book every night before bed for months. This book is about “dinosaurs” that don’t want to go to bed but by the end they let the parent tuck them into bed and say goodnight. “They give a big hug, then give one kiss more. Goodnight, goodnight little dinosaur."

4. Brown Bear, Brown Bear, What Do You See? by Bill Martin Jr.

This is a great rhyming book that teaches about colors and animals. My daughter’s favorite part was at the end when it lists all of the animals that the children would see!

Now its your turn! What are your favorite books?

Next time: More of Our Favorite Books!

Let’s Talk about Tantrums Part 2. Common Triggers

The toddler brain does not work like the adult brain. When you suddenly hear a barking dog behind a fence, you might be frightened for a moment, but another part of your brain will assure you that you don’t have to be frightened. When you don’t get something you want, you feel frustrated and disappointed, but you recognize and accept that you can't always get what you want (okay, that part might take awhile). If you get into an argument with someone you love, you get angry, but you realize you need to calm down so that you can work things out. A toddler’s experience of these every day occurrences is quite different. Once a toddler is frightened, disappointed, or angry, he may become overwhelmed with emotion and unable to control his actions. As we continue this series on tantrums, we’ll share common triggers for tantrums in children less than 2 years old.

Tantrums: An Emotional Roller Coaster

Most children have tantrums because they are experiencing one or both of two powerful emotions – anger and distress. For most children, their anger flares for only the first few minutes of a tantrum. When they realize that they will not get what they want, the anger is replaced by distress and sadness. They may cry hysterically for some time until they get tired and seek comfort. When toddlers start tantrums with lots of different behaviors, particularly aggressive behaviors like kicking or hitting, these tantrums are more likely to last longer than those that start with just one or two behaviors liking stamping and crying.

Common Scenarios that Trigger Tantrums

“I want to do it myself!”
An almost 2-year-old is old enough to want to do many things on her own but she is limited in her ability to carry out her plans. She’ll watch what others do (especially her older brothers or sisters) and assume that she can do the same things. Since few toddlers have the coordination and strength of older children and adults, frustration takes hold.

“I don’t want to.”
At the same time that older infants and toddlers want to do more things for themselves (like dressing themselves), they also become determined not to do certain things (like leaving the park). Because infants and toddlers are not able to control their rising emotions, even little disagreements over activities can boil over into angry confrontations.

“I want that!”
During infancy, children learn how to give cues to their caregivers to ensure that their needs are met. When they use hunger cues, they are fed. When they show discomfort, they are burped, diapered, or rocked. Sadly (for the toddlers), there comes a time when they find that their parents will no longer give them everything they want. As you might imagine, this takes some adjustment.

“I don’t feel good.”
We all tend to be cranky when we have a headache, stomach ache, or a stuffy nose. When we’re hungry or tired, we’re more easily upset by little frustrations. For toddlers, discomfort can amplify their emotions and reactions, so that little worries can lead to meltdowns.

By understanding more about why tantrums happen, parents can take steps (like making sure kids are rested, fed, and prepared before outings) to prevent some tantrums. Unfortunately, there really isn’t anything that parents can do to stop all tantrums. There are just too many factors outside of parents' control. Next time we’ll talk more about interventions parents might try to prevent or shorten their children's tantrums.

Next time: Let's Talk about Tantrums Part 3

Sources:

Osterman K, Björkqvist K. A cross-sectional study of onset, cessation, frequency, and duration of children's temper tantrums in a nonclinical sample. Psychol Rep. 2010; 106:448-54.

Potegal M, Kosorok MR, Davidson RJ. Temper Tantrums in Young Children 2: Tantrum Duration and Temporal Organization. Dev Behav Pediatr 2003; 24: 148-154.

Potegal M, Davidson RJ. Temper Tantrums in Young Children 1: Behavioral Composition. Dev Behav Pediatr 2003; 24: 140-147.

Babies Development in the Second Year: 19-24 Months

Most parents have heard about the “terrible twos” reportedly filled with wild mood swings, tantrums, and defiance. For those of you with children closing in on their second birthdays, you may wonder when, and if, your sweet toddlers will turn to the “dark side.” In our last 2 posts, we described development that typically happens in infants between 12 and 18 months. Today, we’ll wrap up the series by focusing on changes that occur in most children between 19 to 24 months. A better understanding of development during these important months may help parents cope with the highs and lows of toddler parenting.

Cognitive Development – Planning, Perseverance, and Pretending

Between 18 months and 2 years, children’s ability to anticipate and solve problems expands. You can see this happening in your own child when she suddenly hesitates before she starts an action, like trying to put on her own socks. She'll look thoughtfully at those socks as she concentrates on each step in her plan. With each attempt, she may pause again, puzzling through solutions to each barrier along the way. Play becomes more creative and complex. Many toddlers are able to play noticeably longer by themselves. They love to pretend and will invite you to join them. With improved memory and the ability to anticipate, perseverance begins to emerge. No more “out of sight, out of mind” for loud toys or dangerous objects because 2-year-olds can remember what they wanted minutes, hours, days, even weeks after you've said no. Meanwhile, toddlers' use of language blossoms. Words turn into short sentences structured loosely on their parents’ language.

Toddlers imitate everyone and everything that interests them (especially older siblings) as if they were walking video recorders. Most will believe that they can doing anything they see others do, including climbing, jumping, and swimming. Be extra vigilant around pools! I speak from experience. Unfortunately, toddlers' abilities often do not match their ambitions and many end up in tears when they aren't able to accomplish their goals. Routines can be a source of comfort for busy 2-year-olds and many love the closeness and relaxation that comes with cuddling with you to read a favorite book. Just be prepared to read that favorite book over and over again.

Social Development – A Sense of Self

As children approach their second birthdays, they become increasingly self-aware. They passionately embrace their independence from their parents...to a point. They simultaneously wish to be independent and completely protected and cared for. Emotions like pride and embarrassment become evident as toddlers celebrate their successes and struggle to cope with the inevitable accidents and mistakes. With all the distractions in their world, most toddlers find it difficult to concentrate on any one thing for very long. Listening to your instructions becomes a real challenge. When you need your child to listen carefully to what you have to say, it may help to get down to her level using your face and body to block out distractions as you talk. With her new found problem solving abilities, your child will try to discover how to get her way through experimentation and perseverance. Many parents believe that 2-year-olds are manipulative but toddlers are a still a long way off from a sense of right and wrong. Toddlers who point and cry in the store to get their favorite candy are experimenting to learn how best to get what they want. Keep in mind that toddlers will remember and repeat actions that work. Toddlers feel all of their emotions with passionate intensity and, without the developmental changes that come along in the next couple of years to help them control those emotions, they lose control fairly easily.

Physical Development – A Whirlwind of Activity

At 2, many children are more active than they will be at any other time in their lives. Between 2 and 3 years of age, they learn to walk steadily in all directions, to climb stairs, to run faster, and to kick a ball. Most 2-year-olds still fall a great deal, especially when chasing older siblings. Two year olds are whirlwinds of activity because they are interested in nearly everything and have limited control over their emotions and actions. All of your stamina will be needed to keep your own little whirlwind safe!

We hope that you’ve found this short series helpful even if 2 years of age is a long way off for your baby. Coming up soon, we’ll have a post specifically about tantrums.

Next time: We celebrate our 1st birthday!!!