Secrets of Baby Behavior: Overstimulation

 My 3 year old, Olivia, just started gymnastics. Her class is held at 6 pm in a large warehouse-like building that includes a gymnastics area, where several classes are conducted concurrently, and a hockey rink. Olivia was so excited for her first class, so our whole family (me, my husband, and 7-month-old Charlotte) came to watch. As you can imagine, the sounds of squealing toddlers, giggling pre-teen gymnasts, and hockey practice echoing through the inadequately air conditioned building quickly became overwhelming for Charlotte. While I helped with Olivia’s class, my poor husband spent the entire hour trying to keep Charlotte calm. This week, we decided that Charlotte should stay home, so I took Olivia alone. As I sat in the waiting area, watching Olivia do her first summersault, I heard some fussing and saw a mom rocking her baby. I watched as she tried bouncing and singing, walking around, and even feeding her 3 month-old son, but nothing seemed to help him calm down. Finally, after about 20 minutes, the baby fell asleep. The mom looked relieved as she sat down next to me and said “I think he should stay home next week.”


After seeing another mother experience exactly what we went through just a week before, I was reminded how easily babies become overstimulated. Over the last 2 years, we’ve posted a lot of information about overstimulation. So, today I thought it would be good to provide links to previous posts that may be useful to parents going through the same thing.

Baby Behavior Basics Part 2: The Many Moods of Babies (June 2009) – In one of our original posts, we describe the 4 infant states babies move through when they are awake (drowsy, quiet alert, irritable, and crying). For each state, we explain what you will see that will tell you that this is the state your baby is in and what you can do to help your baby be calm and happy.

Baby Behavior Basics Part 3: Learning and Creating Your Baby’s Special Language (June 2009) – Babies give 2 types of cues to tell caregivers what they need. Engagement cues are given when they want to interact and disengagement cues mean they need something to be different. This post describes both types of cues and explains how each can be related to overstimulation.

Baby Behavior Basics Part 4: Crying: Your Baby’s Super Power (June 2009) – Babies can’t tell us with their words when they are overstimulated, so crying is an important way they tell us they need a break. For information about why babies cry, recognizing when a crying baby is overstimulated, and using repetition to help calm your baby, read this post!

Reader Question: How to keep your baby from being grumpy while grocery shopping (March 2010) – Like the gymnastics class, the grocery store can be a very overwhelming place for a young baby. The sights, sounds, smells, and even temperature change from aisle to aisle and can overload babies’ senses. In this post we provide tips to make the shopping experience a little easier on everyone!

Part 1: The Phenomenon of Late Afternoon/Early Evening Infant Crying (July 2010) –Many babies tend to get fussy in the late afternoon or evening and overstimulation is usually the reason. This post provides research about crying and why it tends to be more common later in the day. In Part 2, we provide tips to deal with late afternoon and early evening crying.

Too Much Fun: Preventing Overstimulation in Infants and Toddlers (December 2010) – In this post, we provide tips for minimizing meltdowns that can occur when our kids have had too much excitement. Although it isn’t possible to prevent your baby from ever getting overwhelmed, these tips can help!

Baby Science: The First 72 Hours (February 2011) – This post was written to provide the “baby science” behind what I experienced during the first few days after Charlotte was born. We explain why many newborns are very sleepy on day 1, how overstimulation can lead to fussiness on day 2, and why babies don’t always breastfeed perfectly the first time.

If you have questions about overstimulation, please send us a comment!

The worst advice we've ever received...

Last week we posted the best advice we ever received. While each of us has benefited from other parents' pearls of wisdom, there have been other times when we have been given some very bad or strange advice. In this post, we describe the worst advice we have ever received.

Give your baby beef jerky when she’s teething – Jen B

One day, my family was out shopping and our daughter started getting fussy. The checkout clerk asked me if my baby was ok and I told him that she was getting a tooth. His face lit up. “I have the best advice for teething,” he said. He went on to explain that when his kids were young, he would give them beef jerky to chew on when their mouths were sore. “It’s tough, so they can’t bite off any chunks and it tastes so good. The best part is that you’ll know she needs another piece when she throws it down because she’s gotten all of the flavor out.” I wanted to burst out laughing, but I just said "thank you" and rushed out of the store. As desperate as I was for a way to help fight the pain and end the fussiness, loading our baby up with salt and “beefy flavor” wasn’t going to be something I would ever try! For information about teething, see our posts on The Truth about Teething (Part 1 and Part 2).

Leave your baby to cry herself to sleep – Kerri

The worst parenting advice I received was from a friend of mine who told me always to let my baby, Elisabeth, cry herself to sleep in her crib. I remember sitting outside her bedroom door crying myself. It broke my heart to listen to her cry. I was told that she would eventually tire herself out and go to sleep without me having to rock or pat her. I tried this a couple of times and after about 20 minutes of her screaming, and her eventually making herself vomit from crying so hard, I decided that this method was not the right choice for our family. Every family may be different, but I learned very quickly that the best way for my family to get my baby to sleep was to rock her then put her down in her crib once she was asleep.

A dozen bad ideas to deal with persistent crying – Jane

As mentioned in an earlier post, when my daughter was a newborn, she was a "persistent crier" who would cry inconsolably for several hours per day. Of course, it was stressful to care for her and my husband and I were desperate for some useful advice. Well, we certainly got some advice, nearly everywhere we went, but very little was useful. It seemed that everyone was certain that they had "the cure" for my two-week-old daughter's fussiness. Some of the "cures" included giving her things to drink (teas, soda, brandy), feeding solid foods (cereal diluted and put into a bottle, syrup, oatmeal, or other baby foods), doing things to soothe her (vacuuming next to her, driving her around the neighborhood), using "special holds," leaving her for hours in a baby swing, and just telling her to be quiet. In those days, I didn't know anything about cues, persistent crying, or how different babies deal with stimulation. If I only knew then....

A little rum can go a long way – Jen G

The worst (well-meaning) advice I received was from a family member who told me to give my baby a spoonful of rum before bedtime to help her sleep. She said: “That will knock her out!” Luckily, I was too horrified to follow that advice in any way, shape or form. At the time I remember not having the words to respond to this elder family member. Now, looking back, I realize that many people will very lovingly give you outdated (or just completely inappropriate) advice about how to raise your child. A friend of mine once said “take what works for you and leave the rest.” So, that’s what I do. Most people are just trying to help you out because they know (usually from experience) that parenting is a tough job. To them I say “thank you for sharing!” and either incorporate their advice, if I think it is a good idea, or politely disregard their comments.

Next time: An update on one of our personal stories

Tips for Coping with Persistent Infant Crying

Persistent criers have a harder time dealing with the world around them. Once they are upset, it can be challenging for them to calm down. You can help keep your baby more comfortable by watching closely for disengagement cues and taking action to calm your baby at the first signs of trouble. You won’t be able to stop all the crying but you can make a big impact. Your baby will settle down and within the next few weeks, the fussiness will fade away. In the meantime, here are some tips from a mom who's been there.

1. Watch for triggers like loud noises, harsh lights, or strong smells and take steps to avoid them until your baby is a bit older. Your baby will use disengagement cues to tell you what the triggers are. Just remember, the cues won’t be specific. For example, your baby might arch away from you because the dog is barking too loud. Taking the baby into a quiet room for a few minutes can help.

2. For some persistent criers, low stimulation (soft lights, quiet) is best; for others, lots of repetitive stimulation (like white noise or going outside) works well. You’ll learn very quickly what level of stimulation keeps your baby happy. Some babies are sensitive to their own movements. Swaddling works well for these babies during the first few weeks.

3. Help your baby find ways of self-soothing, like sucking on her hands or snuggling with a soft cloth.

4. Help your baby adjust to his or her own body rhythms using light in the day and keeping things darker at night. Stick to a loose routine for daily tasks so your baby is exposed to similar amounts of stimulation each day. Watch out for overload from sights and sounds at the end of the day. Many babies have a fussy time between 4 and 6 pm when everyone is coming home, dinner is being prepared, and the TV is turned on. Try making dinner earlier in the day or even better, take a walk with baby while someone else makes dinner!

5. Skin-to-skin contact with your baby can go along way in calming you both. You might want to try some infant massage.

6. Once your baby gets upset, remember: repetition, repetition, repetition. Don’t try 10 things to calm your baby, stick with one thing for several minutes before you try something else.

7. There are a lot of books, DVDs, and websites dedicated to helping you stop your baby’s crying. Most of these methods don’t address the reasons why babies cry. We encourage you to try to understand and respond to your baby’s ups and downs rather than focus all your attention on stopping his or her crying.

Don’t Forget to Take Care of Yourself
Having a fussy baby does not make you a bad parent. Don’t let others make you feel guilty or inadequate. Your baby just needs a little help to get into synch. My baby daughter went from screaming to social and adorable almost overnight, once her nervous system caught up with her. She’s since graduated from college with honors and has as much energy and passion as she did in those early weeks.

Having a crying baby while you are recovering from childbirth is horribly stressful. It is important to recruit trusted family and friends to bring you food, do your laundry, or babysit for a little while. Taking time for yourself can help you feel less overwhelmed. You may not want to ask other people to take care of your baby but others won’t feel the same way as you do about your baby’s crying; they know they only have to hear it for a short time.

Millions of families go through the challenge of persistent crying. You won’t have to look far to find an experienced mom, dad, or grandparent who knows exactly how you feel. Let us know how you are coping with your fussy baby.

Next Time: Sometimes Newborns' "Good" Behavior can be Misleading