Dining Out with Babies: Making it Easier for Others

Last time, we shared some tips for parents to make dining out with their babies a little less stressful. We wanted to follow that up with a post on what you might do if you found yourself in a restaurant (as I did) near to a baby old enough to sit up at another table. As a fellow diner, it is easy to make dining out with babies easier for parents. Not being rude is a great start. But, we know you want to do more than that.We know that our readers can astonish others by “reading” the universal signals used by babies. There is no better time to use that skill than when you find yourself in a restaurant with a baby.

Here are a few things you can do:

1. Make it clear that you welcome the baby. Smile knowingly, stay relaxed and if you get an opportunity, say something nice about the baby. This may sound obvious but you may be the only one in the room who is welcoming.

2. If the baby is alert and looking around, try to catch the baby’s eye. The baby (as long as she is old enough) will be looking for a friendly face and once the baby sees you, the baby will take a good long look. You’ll see how hard the baby will work to figure out where you fit in the world. After all, the baby has no idea whether or not you are a relative or likely to be someone they will see again and again. If you maintain eye contact with the baby and the baby is old enough, you’ll see the baby “refer” to mom or dad to see if you are on the “approved faces” list. I hope you are. If not (sadly, some parents are very suspicious of everyone), just let it go and enjoy your meal.

3. Let the baby be the guide for any further interaction. Babies love attention and if you are making eye contact while their parents are busy looking over the menu, the baby is likely to try to engage you in some way. The baby may smile, open his eyes wider, or stare at you intently. Many babies will start a game of peek-a-boo by looking at you then burying their faces in their parents’ shoulders, then looking at you again. Here’s some fun “across the table/room” games to play.

a. Peek-a-boo – there are many variations of this game but the gist is that the baby looks at you, then stops looking at you and then looks at you again. Thrilling, eh? Well, if not for you, definitely for babies. If you look away when she looks at you or hide behind your hands or your menu, the baby will at first watch you closely then start to play as soon as she figures out that she has a new playmate. The excitement for the baby comes from being able to predict that she will see your happy face again.

b. Mirror games – babies love it when you repeat their actions. If baby shakes her head and then you shake your head, she’ll smile and do it again. The more you do it, the better the baby is able to predict what you’ll do, the more the baby will be amused and laugh. Clapping is another great activity for mirroring. Remember that the baby must always be the leader.

c. Pointing games – babies love to point at things and have their parents talk to them about what they are pointing to. When you are a little farther away, you can make it clear that you are interested in what they are pointing to by looking in the direction in which they are pointing. If you are close enough and it is acceptable, you can talk to the baby about what you see. If not, you can change your facial expression enough that the baby knows you are paying attention. Looking surprised or pleased to see what the baby is showing you will keep the game going.

There are two things to remember that will help your game playing be more fun for everyone. First, always let the baby lead the games and actions. When baby is in charge and predicting what will happen, the baby will be gloriously happy. Second, watch for disengagement cues. These cues will let you know if the baby is getting overstimulated. Playing with a stranger can be hard work! While I‘ve shared several ideas for playing, these games don’t have to make you miss your dinner. Most babies stay interested in strangers for only a few moments and by playing, you’ve given a clear message to the parents and others around you that you value the baby and the opportunity to interact. Bon Appetit!

Tips for Taking Your Baby to a Restaurant

Recently, I was in a restaurant seated next to a large extended family that included a baby who was about 7 months old. The room was not crowded and the baby had a clear view of our table. Being a big fan of babies, I caught the baby's eye and for a few minutes, we played little follow-the-leader games across the room. As the family was leaving, mom and baby waved good-bye and the mom thanked me for entertaining the baby during the meal. Smiling, I thanked the mom for bringing the baby. By her surprised look, I could tell that it was not a typical experience for her. It made me sad to think that taking a baby to a restaurant has become such a stressful event. In this post, we'll share some ideas to help make this experience easier on you and your baby. Next time, we'll talk about what you can do to make things easier for another family if you find yourself in the position I was in, as a fellow diner near a family with a baby.

Choose Wisely
When you have a choice about where you're going out for a meal, choose the place that will be the least stressful to you. The type of restaurant can make a big difference. Consider your baby's capacity for stimulation. How busy will it be? What is the noise level? How many other children or babies are likely to be there? If you are new to taking your baby out, you might want to stick to casual places where there are likely to be other children. You might also consider finding out if there is a covered area outside where you (or someone else) can take your baby for a walk as needed.

Be Prepared
I'm sure that anytime you go out with your baby, you pack the diaper bag with everything that you might possibly need. Before going to a restaurant, you also should take the time to create a "game plan" with your partner or family members to deal with any challenges that may arise. Before you go, decide who will do what if something loud, embarrassing, or smelly happens!

If your baby is less than 2 months old, there is no way of knowing when your baby will be awake, sleeping peacefully, or hungry. You'll need to be prepared for all 3. Older babies are more likely to be more predictable and it may be wise to time your outing to increase your chances of having a contented baby.

What to Watch For
Your baby is very likely to be interested in all the sights and sounds that you encounter in the restaurant. Healthy babies want to explore their surroundings. But that means you need to be vigilant to make sure that anything potentially breakable, messy, or dangerous is moved out of your baby's reach. Relatives and friends will want to play and entertain your baby and that's great too. Take advantage of their willingness to entertain your baby to get something to eat! But, you'll also want to keep an eye on your baby to make sure that he doesn't become overwhelmed or overtired. It is common for friends and relatives to ignore the early disengagement cues until your baby becomes fussy. Trying to help, they might continue to stimulate the baby with keys, toys, or games. While these distractions may work in the short term, you'll start to see stronger and more frequent disengagement cues and your baby may become very upset. It is better to respond to the early disengagement cues with reduced stimulation (as simply as holding your baby closer to you and turned toward your body) and/or some repetitive sounds and movements until your baby seems ready to play again or falls asleep.

Take Things in Stride
The most important thing to remember when you go out in public with your baby is that you cannot control or predict what your baby will do anymore than you can control who else will be in the restaurant when you arrive. Your baby may suddenly have a fussy period or you may be greeted with exasperated looks from your fellow patrons before you even sit down. Your baby may have a huge diaper blow out just as your meal arrives. These things happen and are part of parenting. Someday, you'll look back on these experiences and laugh. Should anything unexpected happen, stick to the plan that you made before you left (i.e. whoever has eaten more leaves the table to change the diaper or settle your crying baby) and keep your sense of humor. While it is important to be considerate of your fellow diners, you shouldn't berate yourself about things that you can't control. Being prepared, vigilant, and accepting will help your restaurant adventures be much more relaxing and fun for you and your baby.