In the News: Babies Teach Social Emotional Learning

We recently read an article about a school-based program called Roots of Empathy that helps children learn about emotions by having them spend time with babies.  This news story reported that through this program, children in the classroom are encouraged to observe the babies’ development and label the babies' feelings. They then discuss those feelings and relate them to their own. Sounds a bit like reading cues to us! So, how does social emotional learning (SEL) work?

Social emotional learning is “the process of acquiring core competencies to recognize and manage emotions, set and achieve positive goals, appreciate the perspectives of others, establish and maintain positive relationships, make responsible decisions, and handle interpersonal situations constructively.”  (Durlak 2011) SEL programs help children develop healthy behaviors related to self-awareness, self-management, social awareness, relationship skills and responsible decision making.

Special school-based programs, like Roots of Empathy, teach social emotional learning in two ways. Students learn how to process and apply social and emotional skills, such as labeling and understanding emotions, appropriately. These skills are taught by modeling and practice so that the children can apply them in real life situations.

How does all of this fit with baby behavior education?

Learning how to recognize and respond to baby cues improves babies' relationships, but it doesn’t have to end there. Teaching siblings or other children about baby behavior, how to understand the baby’s emotions and needs, is not just helpful for parents and babies; it may also be beneficial for the older child as well.

SEL programs are associated with lower levels of problem behaviors and emotional distress, improved academic performance, improved attitudes about self and others, and increased positive social behaviors such as sharing and helping others.

Incorporating SEL at home

If you have older children, teach them about the cues that your baby uses to communicate. Encourage your children to use the cues to “play detective” to see if they can figure out what the baby needs. They will love the challenge and enjoy feeling helpful. Your older child will feel more in control as you teach him or her how to tell when baby needs a break from playtime and your baby will be happier because of it! As your child begins to identify cues and emotions of your baby, talk with them about their own emotions. By helping them label their baby brother or sister’s cues and feelings, they will become more aware of their own feelings. 

References

Roots of Empathy Program: http://www.rootsofempathy.org/

Durlak JA, Weissberg RP, Dymnicki AB, Taylor RD, Schellinger KB. The impact of enhancing students' social and emotional learning: a meta-analysis of school-based universal interventions. Child Dev 2011;82(1):405-32.

Answers to Mothers’ Concerns in their Babies’ First Month

Last time, we posted the answers to the most common questions mothers had during the first 3 days postpartum (click here for information about wound care, returning to your prenatal figure, and infant feeding). As we noted in the first post in this series, the featured study showed that many of the inquiries moms have during the first 3 days and beyond are very similar, so in today's post we’ll answer the most common concerns of mothers in their babies’ first month.

Baby Behavior

Baby Behavior topped the list of concerns after the first 3 days postpartum. To brush up on your knowledge of normal infant behavior, read our Basics of Baby Behavior series about understanding infant sleep, cues and crying. Newborn behavior can be quite different from that of older babies and can be unpredictable and erratic at times. For specifics about normal newborn behavior, click here. Understanding their babies' behavior makes parents feel more confident that they know what to expect.

Newborn Development

Mothers concerns related to development centered mostly on wanting to know what was normal. In a previous post, we explained how reflexes rule when it comes to newborn development. By 2-4 weeks of age, your baby’s development reaches a whole new level as she becomes more aware of the world around her.

“Mothering” in General

One of the most common questions, even among mothers who had multiple children, was about how to be a “good” mom. This is a tough one; obviously there is not one right answer for this question. However, we definitely recognize the overwhelming responsibility that mothers feel to take care of everything and everyone in the household. The best thing you can do for your new baby is to take time to care for yourself physically and emotionally and to connect with your baby. Remember, that special language you will develop with your baby takes practice, but responding to your babies needs will help you develop a relationship of trust and understanding. That sounds like the foundation of “good” parenting to me! To explore study findings about new motherhood, click here.

Meeting the Demands of Everyone at Home

If caring for a newborn baby in itself wasn’t a full-time job, try factoring in caring for other children, your spouse, household chores, and (don’t forget) yourself! We think that learning the art of asking for help, when you need it, can be an important tool. Remember to be realistic and proactive when asking for help and realize you are not alone. Keep in mind the old adage: It “takes a village” to raise a child, and pick up the phone.

Siblings and Sibling Reactions

It's not surprising that adding a new sibling into the mix is not only a big concern for parents but also for the siblings themselves. In an earlier post, we talked about the best way to introduce siblings to "their" new baby. Every child will react differently, but most children respond well to advanced preparation and like to know exactly what to expect when the new addition arrives. Remember that your family is adjusting to the new baby just as much as your new baby is adjusting to you!

If you have any other questions or concerns you would like to have known about during your first month postpartum – we would love to hear from you!

Bringing Home Baby Number 2…or 3…or 4

Just 28 days before my daughter turned 5-years-old, her little brother was born. My husband and I already knew our daughter was resistant to change and bringing home a new baby was going to require a huge adjustment for all of us. She had stayed overnight with our friends and would not come to the phone when we called to share the happy news. She came only reluctantly to the hospital, clinging to my friend’s back and peering around her only far enough so that I could see one suspicious eye and a flash of red curls. She was both curious and unsure about what was happening. Sure, we had read some wonderful children’s books about babies during the pregnancy, but just as for parents, books can only go so far in preparing children for a new baby. Here are some tips to help you peacefully introduce your wonderful, but unquestionably disruptive, new baby to your older child.

1. Talk to your child about what’s ahead

During the last few weeks of your pregnancy, tell your child stories about what will happen when the baby comes home, connecting future events and activities with the objects around him. For example, show your child where the baby will sleep, be bathed, fed, and changed. Children feel safer when they can predict what will happen. Books for big brothers and sisters can help, and there are literally hundreds available for children of all ages.

2. Be ready with hugs and reassurance

Reassure your older child that you are still there for her and that you are ready for lots of big hugs and to hold her hand. If possible, have someone else get the baby in the car as you leave the hospital so that you can pay closer attention to your older child. After you get home, do your best each day to spend some one-on-one time with her.

3. Share the baby gifts

Consider giving your child a small gift from the baby and/or letting your child open baby gifts from visitors. Keep in mind gifts might be helpful but they are not necessary. Your love and attention will mean much more to your child than toys.

4. Stick to familiar routines

Just like my daughter, many children are challenged by change but reassured and calmed by predictable routines. Get some help with the baby, especially in those early weeks, so that you can maintain some of your old routines such as at bedtime and meals as much as possible.

5. Let your older child help with baby care

Children respond well to age-appropriate chores and responsibility. Even a very young child can bring a clean diaper to dad when needed. Help your child feel part of the growing family by contributing in some small way to the care of the newest addition.

6. Teach your child about baby behavior

If your child is old enough, teach her about the cues that your newborn uses to communicate (See: http://www.secretsofbabybehavior.com/2009/06/baby-behavior-basics-part-3-learning.html). Be sure to celebrate a little every time your older child uses cues to discover what the baby needs. Children, like adults, love to feel smart. By helping your older child see and respond appropriately to cues (like stopping play when baby looks away), you’ll cut down on crying and help your older child feel more in control. As a happy side effect, your newborn will get better at giving cues!

7. Set boundaries on your child’s actions but not emotions

Recognize that your child may have strong feelings about sharing your attention. Don’t let anyone tell your child how to feel (e.g., don't say “Never be angry at the baby!”), but make sure your child knows that acting out on anger or other strong emotions is not ok. Help your child come up with solutions to the inevitable problems. For example, if your child is upset about the baby’s crying, help her find positive ways to feel better such as putting her hands over her ears or leaving the room. Children learn how to deal with emotions from their parents, so be sure to stay calm and take the time to talk to your child about her feelings before they get out of control.

When Baby Makes 5 or 6 or 7….

In larger families, siblings often play a larger role in helping with younger children. Helping everyone, especially school-aged and older siblings, understand baby behavior may go a long way in keeping the peace. It is important though, that your older children never feel that they have to act like they are the parents. That's always your job.

My daughter did get over her first concerns about her brother and while my children had the typical ups and downs of siblings, they managed to get along (at least by the time they were in their 20s). Many parents worry about how a new baby will affect their relationships with their older children. By sharing your loving attention and giving your older children baby care tasks they can handle, you can make this challenging transition much easier.

Next Time: For Babies, A Little Playtime is a Great Workout