Answers to Mothers’ Concerns in their Babies’ First Month

Last time, we posted the answers to the most common questions mothers had during the first 3 days postpartum (click here for information about wound care, returning to your prenatal figure, and infant feeding). As we noted in the first post in this series, the featured study showed that many of the inquiries moms have during the first 3 days and beyond are very similar, so in today's post we’ll answer the most common concerns of mothers in their babies’ first month.

Baby Behavior

Baby Behavior topped the list of concerns after the first 3 days postpartum. To brush up on your knowledge of normal infant behavior, read our Basics of Baby Behavior series about understanding infant sleep, cues and crying. Newborn behavior can be quite different from that of older babies and can be unpredictable and erratic at times. For specifics about normal newborn behavior, click here. Understanding their babies' behavior makes parents feel more confident that they know what to expect.

Newborn Development

Mothers concerns related to development centered mostly on wanting to know what was normal. In a previous post, we explained how reflexes rule when it comes to newborn development. By 2-4 weeks of age, your baby’s development reaches a whole new level as she becomes more aware of the world around her.

“Mothering” in General

One of the most common questions, even among mothers who had multiple children, was about how to be a “good” mom. This is a tough one; obviously there is not one right answer for this question. However, we definitely recognize the overwhelming responsibility that mothers feel to take care of everything and everyone in the household. The best thing you can do for your new baby is to take time to care for yourself physically and emotionally and to connect with your baby. Remember, that special language you will develop with your baby takes practice, but responding to your babies needs will help you develop a relationship of trust and understanding. That sounds like the foundation of “good” parenting to me! To explore study findings about new motherhood, click here.

Meeting the Demands of Everyone at Home

If caring for a newborn baby in itself wasn’t a full-time job, try factoring in caring for other children, your spouse, household chores, and (don’t forget) yourself! We think that learning the art of asking for help, when you need it, can be an important tool. Remember to be realistic and proactive when asking for help and realize you are not alone. Keep in mind the old adage: It “takes a village” to raise a child, and pick up the phone.

Siblings and Sibling Reactions

It's not surprising that adding a new sibling into the mix is not only a big concern for parents but also for the siblings themselves. In an earlier post, we talked about the best way to introduce siblings to "their" new baby. Every child will react differently, but most children respond well to advanced preparation and like to know exactly what to expect when the new addition arrives. Remember that your family is adjusting to the new baby just as much as your new baby is adjusting to you!

If you have any other questions or concerns you would like to have known about during your first month postpartum – we would love to hear from you!

What New Moms Really Want to Know about the Postpartum Experience

There are a lot of new things to consider when preparing for pregnancy, birth, and the postpartum period.  Today, we will present an article that describes a review of 18 scientific papers and a list of the most important things that mothers want to learn after giving birth.  We have also done a little research of our own to find the answers to these common questions, just in case you were wondering about some of the same things! However, you’ll have to stay tuned for the answers in the next few posts!

Common Questions about the First 3 Days Postpartum

For mothers who have had c-sections, the first 3 days are generally spent in the hospital with access to nurses, lactation consultants (in some cases) and doctors to answer their most pressing questions.  Mothers delivering vaginally, however, may be discharged from the hospital 24 to 48 hours after an uncomplicated birth; it’s not surprising that mothers’ primary concerns centered around their babies’ feeding and care during their first 3 days of life. Mothers asked questions most often about learning how to recognize and treat infant illnesses and how often and how much to feed their infants.

Interestingly, there were only minor differences between questions asked by first-time mothers and mothers who had had children before.

For first-time moms, the most universal question on the 1^st day postpartum was how to care for surgical wounds like c-section incisions and episiotomies.  Other common postpartum care questions included combatting postpartum complications, illness, fatigue, and the purpose of uterine massage in the hospital. 

The concerns of mothers who have had a child before were only slightly different.  The most common questions these moms had were the same as the first time mothers’ questions with the additional concern of appropriate maternal physical activity and how to return to their ‘normal’ figures (or weight).

Common Questions beyond the First Days and Weeks Postpartum

By this time, most mothers are back at their own homes, and after having tackled the art of diaper changing and feeding, have a new slew of questions about caring for their baby, themselves, and their new family as a whole. 

In this review, the most important issues to address during the transition from hospital to bringing baby home for both first-time and veteran moms were returning to their prenatal figure, postpartum exercise, “mothering” in general, and meeting the demands of everyone at home.

Understanding Baby Behavior is a universal concern of parents all over the world.  This study found that during their babies’ first few weeks, mothers were concerned about their babies’ behavior, fussiness, need for stimulation, growth and development, and feeding – all things we hope you have learned from our previous posts!  (for a quick refresher on the basics of Baby Behavior, you can review the crying , sleep, states, and cues posts.)  Other, less frequent questions were about support bras, perineal care, and how to deal with older siblings and sibling reactions when the new baby came home.

We know from experience that being aware of common questions can be a relief, helping new parents know that they are not alone in their concerns!  If you haven’t ever stopped to consider any of these questions, don’t worry!  We will be providing the answers to these questions in the next couple of posts!

Reference: Bowman KG. Postpartum Learning Needs. J Obstet Gynecol Neonatal Nurs. 2005 Jul-Aug;34(4):438-43..

Life with a Newborn: Days 4 & 5

A few weeks ago, I wrote about about the day my second daughter was born and my feelings and observations on days 2 and 3 postpartum. Last week, Taryn and Jane highlighted the research explaining both the "Mommy Science"and "Baby Science" behind my family's experience. By sharing my personal story, followed by the science behind what I was experiencing, we hope that we have highlighted some of the questions and concerns facing new parents. Today, I will continue my story with Days 4 and 5.

Day 4

The nurse came in to weigh Charlotte at about 1am (sounds like a strange time, but I wasn't asleep anyway!). We were having some trouble latching, but we were still feeding about every 2 hours and my milk had come in on Day 3. Charlotte had been losing weight, but I knew it was normal for newborns to lose some weight, so I wasn't worried. When she was weighed that night, though, she had lost a lot more than expected. The nurse explained that we wouldn't be able to leave in the morning if she lost any more weight.

A few hours later, I noticed that Charlotte's mouth was really dry and that she hadn't had a wet diaper in quite a while. Also, I was starting to feel engorged and the feeling didn't change when I'd feed her. Worried that she was getting dehydrated, I asked the nurse to bring me a breast pump to relieve some of the pressure and get some breast milk to feed Charlotte in case she wasn't feeding effectively. I also asked her to ask the lactation consultant to come in first thing in the morning.

By morning, Charlotte was lethargic and had lost even more weight, so it was clear she needed more milk than she was getting at the breast. The pediatrician suggested that we avoid feeding her at the breast until she stopped losing weight and the lactation consultant showed us how to syringe feed, which is basically just slowly squirting the milk into the baby's mouth.

Needless to say, Day 4 was very stressful. I had been looking forward to going home and I missed my older daughter. I was already having a hard time falling asleep and the events of the day made it even harder. Not only was I worried about my baby but I also knew that my husband wasn't getting enough rest (if my bed felt uncomfortable, how would that reclining chair feel for 4 nights in a row?). That night, I told my husband to go home to sleep. He protested at first, but eventually he was convinced that it was better for one of us to get some sleep!

Day 5


When Charlotte was weighed on Day 5 (at 1:30am this time), she had stopped losing weight, but hadn't gained any back. I mentioned to the nurse that I was worried that the syringe feeding was preventing us from resolving our latch problems, she suggested that we begin finger feeding until we could talk to the pediatrician and lactation consultant again. To finger feed, we attached one end of a small tube to the syringe and the other end to one finger and put the finger and tube into her mouth. We still had control over the flow of the milk (with the syringe), but she was able to suck on our finger at the same time.

My husband left to go home around 2:00am and Charlotte and I were fine until about 4:30 am. The nurse came in to check on us and when she asked me how I was doing, I just lost it. I had been getting less than 4 total hours of sleep a day and was frustrated that we were having trouble breastfeeding. She listened to my concerns and then suggested that she take the baby for a short time so I could rest. I was very hesitant and felt silly for sending my husband home when I clearly needed the help, but she assured me that she would be right across the hall and would bring Charlotte back as soon as she gave any indications of hunger. I let her take Charlotte and within minutes, I was asleep. I woke up 2 hours later and felt so much better.  Looking back, I realize how important it had been to share my frustration and that I probably wouldn't have done that if my husband had been there.

In the morning, when Charlotte was weighed again, she had started gaining back some of the weight she'd lost. The doctor gave the OK to start feeding her at the breast again and lactation consultant helped us weigh her to determine how much she ate. Around 10:00 am, the nurse came in to tell us we were being discharged. I was happy and terrified at the same time. I couldn't wait to get home, but I was worried that Charlotte would start losing weight again. We scheduled an appointment for the next morning to have her weight checked again and by 1:00 pm we were on our way home!

As soon as we got home, Olivia took Charlotte on a tour of the house (with Daddy's help, of course). She was so excited to have us home and was eager to take care of her new sister! When Charlotte wasn't latching well, we would finger feed her and she seemed more alert than she had been in the hospital.

Olivia was 2 1/2 months old when she came home from the hospital, so bringing home a newborn was a new experience for us. Being home relieved so much of the stress I was feeling! A friend brought us dinner and we spent the rest of the day just resting and getting used to having 2 children to care for!

Next Time: Mommy Science

Getting the Help You Need Part 1. The Art of “The Ask”

Anyone who has read more than a handful of our Secrets posts knows how strongly we believe that all families with newborns need and deserve help. With JenB’s new addition only days away, we've been thinking a great deal about the delicate balance between providing practical support and space for family time. We realized that, for all our rants about the importance of getting help, we hadn’t written a post on how best to get that help. In this short series, we’ll provide some tips to help you get to “the ask” (a concise and complete request for help) without sacrificing your pride or privacy. Today, we’ll share some ideas about how to ask for help effectively. Next time, we’ll help you deal with well-intentioned but misguided friends and family that manage only to make things more stressful.

As is true of many of her pragmatic and independent peers, JenB is not one to ask for help lightly, but she is more than willing to seek support when it is needed. Naturally organized, she and her husband set up their primary and back-up support systems early in the pregnancy. We encourage all expectant parents to do the same. As we’ve explained in an earlier post, taking care of a baby is a full time job, leaving little time for anything else. Friends and family can step in to help with the following necessities:

• Running errands


• Preparing meals and snacks


• Grocery shopping


• Household chores


• Taking other children on walks or to the park


• Sharing ideas and providing emotional support


• Pet care


• Outdoor/garden care


• Driving (especially if mom has a c-section)


• Being “on call” in case something comes up

With all this need, asking for help can be a little intimidating. You may be wondering how you can make “the ask” something that sounds reasonable. Here are a few ideas.

Be proactive
Don’t wait until you’re overwhelmed, exhausted, and things are out of hand. Make a plan while you’re still fully functional to keep things on track. It’s much easier to mow a lawn with only a couple weeks of growth, to clean a kitchen with only one load of dirty dishes, and to walk a dog that has been outside every day.

Be realistic

Our closest friends and family are wonderful sources of support and we feel comfortable leaning on those we love. But, before we ask for their help, we need to think hard about their lives and other responsibilities. Divide your requests among as many people as is practical, matching each request to the appropriate amount of time and effort that makes sense for each person. If you’re lucky enough to have a relative who can take off work and visit you, they can take on a lot of tasks but they’ll need a break once in awhile. Your busy friends can bring over a meal or drop off some groceries they picked up when they were shopping for themselves. Your neighbor can walk your dog or mow the lawn.

Be specific
Whenever you need others to pitch in to help, it is always best to be very specific about what you need. When someone offers to help, instead of asking for “help with meals,” ask for “something simple for dinner on Wednesday.” Tasks seem a lot more reasonable when they are clearly described.

Be organized
If you are fortunate enough to have many offers of help (and we certainly hope you do!), you’ll want to keep tasks and helpers organized so that you don’t end up with redundancies, confusion, or way too much food! You can easily make a grid on paper or in a spreadsheet with chores/tasks down the side and days of the week across the top. You can use the list above to get you started. Let friends and family sign up themselves or get one of them to organize the group for you.

I know that asking for help can be tough but you’ll find that even a few tasks taken off your list can make a big difference. You’ll find that most people will want to help. Many of your loved ones understand how exhausting those first weeks are and they’ll want to make things easier for you, if not for the joy of giving, then maybe because they know you’ll “owe them one” when it is their turn.

Next time: Part 2: Coping with “Help” that Isn’t Helpful

Reader Question: Introducing your dog to your new baby

I love dogs! My family got our first dog when I was 8. So, when my husband and I bought our first house, he promised that we could get a dog right away. One week after we moved in, I found out I was pregnant, but I still insisted on getting a puppy. Ichabod (Icky, for short), an American Bulldog, joined our family on Christmas Eve, just 5 months before we brought our daughter home for the first time. Even though Icky was a sweet, well-behaved, and loyal puppy, I was nervous about introducing him to our tiny baby. It appears that I wasn’t the only new mom with this concern, because a few weeks ago, we received this question:

I am about to have a baby and have a dog. I'm worried about how to introduce the baby into the house so the dog won't think it's either an enemy or a toy. How do I make this happen?

Based on our experience, I think preparing before your baby is born is the most important thing you can do to encourage a smooth transition for both you and your dog. Here are 3 things I recommend doing as soon as possible:

1. Address your dog’s behavioral issues that could escalate once the baby arrives.

Bad behaviors, like jumping or chewing, probably won’t magically disappear and could get worse or even emerge once the baby arrives. Other, more serious behavioral issues, like food aggression and being territorial or possessive, could be very dangerous if not handled properly. There are a lot of resources available to help you improve your dog’s behavior. Our family uses the Dog Whisperer approach, which is based on understanding dog psychology and establishing pack leadership. Regardless of which method you choose, eliminating problem behaviors early will make your life much easier.

2. Evaluate your dog’s routines and consider what revisions will be needed to accommodate your new baby

I was 2 ½ months pregnant when we got Icky and I have to admit that I treated him more like a baby than a puppy (I blame the hormones!). He was pretty small when we got him and it took no time at all for him to get used to sitting on my lap. As we both got bigger, it got harder and harder for him to fit on my lap, so I started letting him sit on the couch with me. Luckily, my husband recognized that this behavior (my behavior) would have to change before our daughter came home. Instead of allowing Icky on the couch or on my lap, we got him a dog bed that fit right next to the couch and taught him that he could only sit next to me when I invited him. This small change proved very useful, he never once jumped on me when I was holding the baby.

3. Introduce your dog to other children and babies.

This can serve 2 purposes. First, it lets you observe how your dog interacts with children so that you can identify and correct any unwanted behaviors (like jumping or barking). Second, it allows your dog to experience the sounds and smells of childhood and infancy. Infant crying can be very shocking to dogs when they aren’t used to it, so it may be beneficial to expose your dog to a baby’s cry when you are more equipped to help him respond appropriately.

As you get closer to your due date, I suggest making a plan for how your dog will be cared for while you are in the hospital. Drastic changes to a dog’s routine, like leaving a dog who is usually inside outside for several days, can lead to unwanted behavior, so keeping things as normal as possible while you are gone could be very useful. If your dog usually gets a long walk in the evening, ask a family member or friend to continue that routine while you are gone. Our dog’s behavior is noticeably better when he gets enough exercise.

When you are finally ready to bring your new baby home, it is important to consider what your dog may be experiencing. Not only have you been gone for a few days (which always gets my dog a little worked up), but you will look and even smell different. Our experience was a little unusual because I came home without my daughter, who had to stay in the hospital after I was released (see When Motherhood Doesn’t Go According to Plan: Part 1). I was in the hospital for 9 days and although Icky was extremely excited to see me when I came home, he was also hesitant to get too close. It wasn’t until I sat down and reached out to him that he came up to me. When we brought Olivia home a few months later (see Part 2) my husband, who is a much better pack leader than I am, carried my daughter in. This is something that many of my friends, who were able to bring their babies home right away, have done too. They came into the house, allowing the dog to greet them and calm down before having the baby brought in by someone else (spouse, family member, etc). How close you let the dog get to the baby is a personal decision that should be made based on your comfort level and your dog’s temperament.

Our experience introducing our dog to our new baby went very well. Icky was immediately respectful and protective (although not too protective) of our daughter and now, 2 years later, they are best buddies! Here are a few more tips that you may find helpful as your family adjusts to your new addition:

• Take a few minutes a day to give the dog your attention
• Exercise is key to having a happy, healthy dog
• If you are worried about your dog chewing on the baby’s toys, it may help to avoid buying your dog toys that resemble baby toys
• Remember that babies get over stimulated very easily. If your baby is watching the dog play or if the dog is barking, your baby could get over stimulated and need a break.
• As your baby grows and becomes mobile, there will be a whole new set of issues you’ll need to address, but we’ll save those for another post!

Finally, we want to stress that you should NEVER leave your dog with your baby unattended. Even the most kind, gentle dogs, are animals and may harm the baby (intentionally or unintentionally).

Next Time: We’ll answer a reader question about naps!

When Motherhood Doesn't Go According to Plan: Life with a Hospitalized Baby (Part 2 of 3)

Looking back, it seems like the next few months flew by, but I know that wasn't how it felt at the time. Olivia continued to breathe on her own and was able to get more and more milk through her feeding tube. Her heart was still weak, but it was getting stronger every day. She was gaining weight and the nurses and doctors were very impressed with her progress! Meanwhile, my husband and I got into a routine. I would go to the hospital for a few hours during the day while he was at work. Then, we would go back together after dinner. I was pumping every 2-3 hours and was making enough milk so that she never had to get formula. By the time she was 1 month old, she had gained almost a pound and 2 inches in length. A few days later, she was moved from the high risk room to the intermediate room! It seemed like everyday we had happy news to share, so we started a blog, where we could post pictures and keep our family and friends informed about her status. It was really helpful to be able to share even the smallest developments.

As time went by, we got to do more and more to care for Olivia. At first we were only able to change her diaper. Then, when she was strong enough to eat from a bottle or from my breast, we were able to feed her. Pretty soon, we were doing all of her care while we were there and the nurses were just watching!

After 8 weeks, my maternity leave was ending and I had to make what seemed like an impossible decision. We were still unsure about when Olivia would be coming home, so I had to choose to either take the rest of my vacation time or to go back to work and save my time off so that I could be with her when she came home. We ultimately decided that I should go back to work while she was still in the hospital. Thankfully, I was able to work from home and from the hospital for most of the following weeks.

Around the same time that I went back to work, we realized that she was rapidly achieving the milestones necessary for her to come home. Each hospital has a list of requirements that must be met before premature infants can be released, and she only had 2 left. She needed to get better at eating from her bottle and she needed to go 7 days without any drops in her heart rate. Time started to slow down. We got the house all ready, had her car seat installed and inspected at the police station, and attended the CPR and infant care classes offered at the hospital. Even though there was so much to do, it felt like we spent most of our time waiting.

All the waiting was worth it!
Just 74 days after she was born, (and 3 weeks before my actual due date) Olivia was ready to come home! Despite her rough start, she was a happy, healthy baby, but we still had to take a lot of precautions. She was still smaller than most newborns, weighing about 5 1/2 pounds. At first, she had doctors' appointments every few weeks and we were instructed to keep her home as much as possible. We had to be very careful about who came over to visit and make sure that she wasn't exposed to any illnesses that her tiny body couldn't handle. All of this seemed so simple compared to having to leave her every night. We were prepared to do whatever it took to have her home with us!

Once we got home, however, reality sunk in. I felt like someone needed to be watching her 24 hours per day. We didn't have the monitors to let us know if she needed us anymore. I constantly worried that she wasn't breathing or that her heart rate would drop and we wouldn't know. Within just a few hours of her homecoming, I was sure that she needed to go back to the hospital. This feeling went away over the next few days as we got used to our new routine. No more driving back and forth to the hospital. No more eating in the car or the hospital cafeteria. No more nurses dictating when she got to eat or when we were allowed to hold her. She finally came home to live happily ever after!

Fast-forward 13 months...to a much better place
Olivia is a normal, silly toddler. She is growing like a weed. She walks. She talks. She does everything a normal toddler does. When people find out that she was born so early, they are shocked. She is extremely social and makes friends everywhere we go. She loves to read books, listen to music, and play ball. If anyone would have told me a year ago that this is what our life would be like now (which I am sure someone probably did) I wouldn't have believed them. Olivia is living proof that miracles do happen. Along the way, so many things could have gone differently, according to my plan, but if they had, we wouldn't be where we are today. I know that sounds cheesy, which isn't usually my style, but it is true. "Operation Baby Banuelos" may have hit some snags along the way, but we have the beautiful, sweet, smart baby girl that we always dreamed of.

Next time: Part 3 - Tips for coping with your premature baby's hospitalization.