Baby's (and Toddlers) Day at the Zoo - Part 2

Last week (after my adult daughter and I had spent a day at the San Diego zoo), we shared some tips to help you plan your own trip to the zoo with your baby or toddler. In this post, we'll share more of our experience and offer some Baby Behavior-related suggestions to help you have more fun and less stress during your day at the zoo.

On the day of your trip...
1. Be ready to play games in the lines. My daughter and I saw many parents waiting with their children in the long lines at the gate. The happiest groups were prepared with plenty of age-appropriate distractions for the kids. Their older kids were playing "eye spy" and the babies and toddlers were playing peek-a-boo or looking nearby for shapes and colors. Games played in lines don't have to be elaborate. Repetitive games that encourage your baby or toddler to use her senses and mind work best.

2. Support safe exploration. Zoos and large parks are wonderful but potentially dangerous places. Many parents worry about their children getting lost in public places. We know that you'll take care to keep your toddler close to you but you'll need to keep a close watch on everything your toddler is doing. Healthy toddlers will actively explore the world around them. That's how they learn. In zoos, there are non-stop opportunities for your child to pick things up off the ground, fall on uneven surfaces, slip on wet pavement, or get knocked over by a crowd straining to see an animal exhibit. We saw a couple of little ones get pressed up against the window by a crowd at the lion enclosure after their parents pushed them forward to get a better look.We don't want you to be paranoid about it, we just you to recognize that someone's eyes are going to need to be on your toddler nearly all of the time. In a big zoo, it is best to bring other adults so you can take turns watching the kids.

3. If you use a backpack, remember that your baby needs "face time." We saw many parents carrying babies and toddlers in backpacks. Obviously, carrying your baby on your back can make your trip much easier, but your baby needs you to be part of her learning. We saw excited happy babies in backpacks pointing around the park while another adult (often mom or grandma) talked to them about what they were seeing. Unfornately, we also saw a few parents carrying their unhappy and frustrated babies without ever talking to the children or looking back at them. It didn't take long for their babies to lose interest and glaze over. Remember, even the most exciting zoo sites won't be fun if you aren't involved in your baby's experience.

4. Watch for your baby's cues. Your baby will let you know when he's had enough of the sounds, sights, and smells at the park. Watch for cues that your baby is getting overwhelmed or tired. Just taking a break in some quiet shady spot or letting your baby nap in your arms can make a huge difference. You can stop the meltdowns before they get started.

5. Tell park staff right away if your baby drops or throws anything into an enclosure. When we were looking at the giant tortoise, an excited preschooler threw a cap from a soda bottle into the enclosure just as his group moved away. He didn't really know what he was doing and his parents (busy with other children) didn't notice what he had done. We stopped a park volunteer and let her know what happened and they took care of it right away. These things can be embarrassing but the park staff understand that young children will be impulsive. Even small pieces of plastic can be dangerous for animals, so let someone know.

6. Some exhibits require children to be quiet, so be realistic and think twice about standing in long lines. The San Diego zoo has a world famous giant panda exhibit that is well worth seeing. The animals are so popular that the wait time in line to see them can be 45 minutes or more. Because Pandas have such sensitive hearing, the staff must ask visitors to be quiet when they are close enough to see the animals. If your child is too young to keep from squealing, screaming, or shouting, you might want pass on exhibits that require quiet visitors. It is not a matter of discipline or parenting; babies and toddlers have very limited ability to control themselves. Just be realistic; you know your child best.

7. Give your child time to get emotionally ready to leave the park. We saw many toddlers who were very upset when they had to leave the park. While it is hard for any child to give up having fun, most do much better when they have some warning. Some children are fine with a moment or two, others need 10 or 20 minutes to get used to ending a fun activity. The difference isn't a matter of discipline, its temperament. You are likely to know how long your baby needs to adjust to change. Don't forget the simple step of letting your child know ahead of time when you are ready to leave the zoo.

8. Get your baby/toddler ready for the gift shop, before you go in. Zoo gift shops are chaotic places. Even if your baby or toddler is able to understand what she can and cannot have, she may be overwhelmed by all the noise and excitement. Let your child know what is ok and not ok before you go inside and be sure to watch for cues. If your child does have a meltdown, having another adult who can stand in line for purchases while you step outside can be a big help.

Zoos are wonderful places to take children no matter what their age. We hope you use your knowledge of your baby's behavior to make the day more enjoyable for both of you.

(Photo Credit: Adrienne Heinig)

Baby's Day at the Zoo - Part I

Recently, my adult daughter and I had an opportunity to visit the San Diego Zoo. It is an amazing place and we had a wonderful day. As you might expect, we were surrounded by families from all over the world, many with babies and toddlers. Zoos and large parks are great places to take children, especially when you've done your homework and made a plan well ahead of time. In today's post, we'll share some tips to help you plan your zoo-day. Next time, we'll share some of what we learned on the day of our trip that might help make your experience as safe and as fun as possible.

Before you go....
1. Consider the cost (including admission, shows, food, water, and souvenirs) given that your baby or toddler may not be able to stay through the entire day or enjoy all of the activities. Even a stroller can get hot and uncomfortable, so don't count on one to get you through to the next exhibit after the meltdowns begin.

2. Create a realistic schedule/plan for your day that allows for meals, breaks, and rest time (for you and your baby). Go during the part of the day when your baby is most likely to be happy and alert. Large zoos take a long time to get through. If your baby is very young, you might want to concentrate in one area or choose a smaller zoo.

3. Prioritize the animals/sites you want to see. Even if your toddler can stay awake through most of the day, he might get overwhelmed by all the new sites and sounds. By mid-afternoon, we saw more than a few miserable parents with fussy babies and cranky toddlers. Most zoos have maps you can see online. If your toddler is old enough to help, make a list of your favorite animals together!

4. Speaking of maps, make sure you know the layout including distances, hills, and bathrooms! Find the routes that work best for your situation and fitness level. We saw a lot of tired parents pushing double strollers up steep hills!

5. Bring a crowd, or at least a couple of helpful adults to help. Excited children can wiggle away in an instant. It's always best to have more than 2 eyes or arms in such an exciting and potentially dangerous place. We were happy to see a lot of extended family members, especially with toddlers. Just make sure that every one knows who is watching your child at all times.

Next time, we'll share what we observed and learned during our time in San Diego to help your day at the zoo be more fun for you and your child.

Baby Behavior in New England!

We're on the road again, this time in beautiful New England conducting trainings in New Hampshire, Massachusetts, Connecticut, and Vermont! We'll be back next week with new posts. Have a great weekend.

Baby Behavior Goes to South Carolina!

We're off to the South this week sharing Baby Behavior in the beautiful state of South Carolina. We'll be back soon!

Sightings of Savvy Parent Travelers

Yes, we're back out on the road again. From San Diego, California to Chapel Hill, North Carolina, we're sharing ideas and hearing what others are doing to support babies and their families. Usually, we would post a photo and tell you that we'll be back soon. But this week, I was fortunate to observe some parents that have clearly done their homework when it comes to traveling with their babies and I wanted to share some of their great ideas with you.

1. Tag Team Security
With two kids, a stroller, baggage, and today's security screening requirements, parents typically are struggling and juggling all the way through the TSA line. But this last weekend, I saw two parents of an infant and toddler work through a closely choreographed routine that looked almost effortless, handing off kids, belts, shoes, bags, in perfect step and at just the right time to get everything through security with a minimum of stress. Several fellow passengers stopped to watch the "dance" and once we were through security, I asked them if they had practiced it all at home. "Oh yeah!" said the proud dad, "only about 100 times."

2. Baby Yoga at the Gate
On my second trip of the weekend, I arrived at the gate to find a young couple and a baby close to the windows doing yoga together. While dad stretched out, mom gently moved and stretched the babies arms and legs. She also sang a song and smiled at her alert and happy baby. After a few minutes, dad kept the baby busy while mom went through a few poses. The mom told me that they always stretched during layovers. She said, "Makes sitting in planes and car seats easier when we take these breaks."

3. Toddler Take Off
Even though I couldn't see them, I heard a young mom talking to her older toddler. "What does the plane do?" The baby made a rumbling sound and mom made a rumbling sound. I heard her say again, "What does the plane do?" The toddler laughed while mom said "Zoooooommm!" They repeated this game several times before the plane actually took off and just as the plane lifted into the air, I could hear the baby laughing and making the rumbling sound as loud as he could.

4. Aisle Stroll
One of my flights was nearly 4 hours long, and as soon as the fasten-seat-belt sign went off, I noticed a dad, holding a young baby, pacing back and forth in the aisle. As flight attendants and fellow passengers moved around the cabin, he kept closer to their seats, but he kept walking for about 40 minutes. The baby was alert, relaxed, and looking around as they passed by my seat several times. When someone commented on what a "good baby" he had, the dad said that the walking made a big difference in keeping the baby happy, even if the baby didn't fall asleep. I didn't hear his baby cry at any time during the flight.

Obviously, these parents had a lot of experience traveling with young babies and toddlers. Given the press in the past about parents' struggles with their kids on planes, I really wanted to share some stories of parents who really do it right. So, how about you? What do you do to make air travel with your baby a little easier?

Baby Behavior is in Kansas!

We're off to the heartland to share more information about Baby Behavior! We'll be back next week with new posts.

Getting Ready for Holiday Travel

It's that time of year again! Families everywhere are packing suitcases  and heading out to highways or airports for holiday trips to see friends and family members. Some of you are uneasily making checklists and hoping that you haven't forgotten anything important for your baby's first big trip. Others have taken so many family trips that you have a special patented system for fitting 7 bags and the portable sleeper in a space where the uninitiated could only squeeze 2 suitcases and a diaper bag.

This time of the year, we traditionally share our tips for traveling with your infant and/or toddler. So here they are:

• For general tips, try our 10 Tips for Traveling with Your Baby.
• On your own with your baby? Check out these specific tips. 
• Planning a plane trip with your toddler? Here are some things you need to know.
• Visiting friends? Here are some tips for making the visit less stressful.
• Finally, read this post for tips to keep your baby or toddler from becoming overstimulated despite all the excitement, fun, and stress that comes from traveling during the holidays.

We wish you all safe and peaceful travels this holiday season.

Summer Travel with Your Baby: Part I

JenB and I were traveling again this week and found we were surrounded by families with children of all ages in the airports. Seeing them reminded us that this is a busy time of year for travel and we decided we should provide an update on an old post about traveling with babies. We'll start with some general advice and next time, we'll share some specific updates about traveling by plane.

Here's our general advice:

1. Be prepared!- Traveling with kids can be hectic and challenging so you want to take extra time in planning your trip and imagining the "what ifs" a little more carefully than you would if you were by yourself. If you are driving, make sure you have good directions and check on traffic and driving conditions before you leave. Map out places to stop along the way (you WILL need to stop). With all the new technology that's available, planning for road trips has never been easier. If you are flying, remember that airports are busy this time of year. Plan on arriving at the airport about 2 hours early and try to avoid scheduling layovers that are shorter than 1 hour. Getting around with kids is tough enough without having to do it under pressure.

2. Comfort is Key - The trip will be much easier if your baby is comfortable, so make sure your baby is dressed appropriately. Consider where the sun will come into the car (if driving) and remember that airports can be fairly chilly compared to the temperature outside. Layers of clothing can be useful, just in case.

3. Nap time is a Nice Time - If possible, schedule driving time when your baby will be sleepy. If you are going to be in the car during your baby's nap time, make sure that you provide a lot of fun physical activity or stimulation before you leave so that your baby is worn out by the time you get on the road. If you don't mind driving at night, you can wait until it is bed time to leave (just make sure that you aren't too tired!). Nap time is not the best time for flying since there is so much stimulation around airports.

4. Babies Get Bored Too - Traveling can be boring, especially for older infants and toddlers who have a lot of energy. Bring toys that vary in size, shape, and texture for your baby. Bring music, books, and crayons to keep toddlers entertained (magnetic drawing boards are fun and not messy). Remember, your face and voice are very entertaining to your baby so if you can, take turns driving so that someone can play with the baby when she tires of toys.

5. More is better - When packing for a trip, it is better to have a few extra outfits and diapers than to be stuck in a car or airplane with a stinky baby. Don't forget plastic bags, baby washcloths, and extra wipes!

6. One Less Thing to Pack - Most hotels have cribs that can be brought to the room so that you don't have to bring your own. When you make your reservation, ask about reserving a crib. If you aren't able to reserve it at that time, call right before check-in to reserve one. Many hotels will have it ready and waiting for you when you arrive.

7. Pay Close Attention to Cues - Remember too much excitement and fun can overwhelm your baby. Watch for your baby's cues (especially her "need a break" cues) to keep her from getting fussy. It is also helpful to plan some downtime several times per day when you and your baby can relax together.

Toddler Tantrums on Planes Part II

Last time, we shared a story about a 2-year-old who threw a tantrum while her parents tried to get her strapped into her own seat on an airplane. After a few minutes, her parents were able to get her secured in her seat but shortly after that, they were informed that the pilot had decided to have the family removed from the plane. This is obviously not something that happens very often. In fact, the family ended up in the news because it was so unusual. Since none of us was on the plane with this family, we have no idea what really happened or what might have been done to prevent the situation. However, in today's post, we want to share some information about 2-year-olds that might help those of you who are planning for a plane trip soon.

The Truth about Two's

1. Two's use "scripts" to make sense of the world.

Imagine if you had been suddenly dropped into an unknown country with customs entirely new to you. You don't know your way around, you only know some of the language, and every day you find yourself completely confused by something new and strange. While you might be excited about exploring this new place, you would want to make sense of things as quickly as possible so you don't get lost or make mistakes. This is not too far from how older babies and toddlers must feel. Their desire to learn and explore is very strong but they do want to feel like they know what is going on. Young babies learn to connect actions and outcomes (like feeding cues and being fed) but that is not enough to understand the world. Toddlers must string together actions and events into "scripts" about how the world works. For example, toddlers learn that at dinner time, they smell something cooking, they are lifted into their high chairs, they are given food, and everyone talks while they play with their food. They will learn scripts for bedtime, scripts for going to day care, scripts for going to the park. When toddlers are not able to predict what is happening, they will cling to their parents (and refuse to sit in their own seats). While it may not be possible to make a "plane script," you can help your child make a "traveling" script by having a routine when you travel by car and/or by repeating stories about each step that happens when you fly.

2. Two's cannot control their emotions once they get out of control.

Many people assume that children have the same ability to control their emotions as adults do. They do not. Just as you would not expect a two-year-old to understand algebra, you should not expect that she will control her emotions once they get out of control. Two's are not developmentally ready to do that. The trick is to prevent the meltdowns in the first place. While you can't always do that, developing scripts, watching for cues, and doing what you can to keep your child physically comfortable (with naps, snacks, and cuddles before plane rides), you can do a lot to help your child travel without tears.

3. Two's look to their parents to help them know what to think and feel.

Public tantrums are stressful and embarrassing. We all want our children to behave and not to disturb other people. When they don't, it is hard to stay calm and in charge. But that's what your child needs you to do when she loses control. If she is starting to lose it, seeing you panic will make things much worse. She watches you to figure out what she should be feeling. She needs you to be firm, strong, and calm even if other people are upset. Use your face and body language to help your child understand that things are ok even if she isn't familiar with what is happening.

So, if you are traveling with your 2-year-old anytime soon, do your best to help your child learn a "plane script" by telling stories, practicing sitting in the car seat, or by imaginary play. Watch for early cues that your child is becoming overwhelmed and do your best to address the problem before it gets out of hand. If, despite your best efforts, your child becomes upset, stay calm, firm, and use your voice, face, and body language to show your child that  you will keep her safe.

Baby Behavior in the News: Toddler Tantrums on Planes

Yesterday morning on MSNBC, we noticed a segment that had aired on The Today Show about a family who was told to leave a flight after their 2-year-old threw a tantrum when she was being strapped into her seat. Apparently, she wanted to be held by her mother rather than sit in her own seat. The family had been traveling for quite awhile and toddler had missed her nap. While the details of what happened on the plane were not provided, it is likely that she was screaming and fighting while the crew were preparing for take-off and it had taken the mother some time to get the child strapped into her seat. The airline said that they had told the family to leave the plane because they had failed to comply with crew member instructions. An online poll among Today Show viewers indicated that 71% of those responding to the survey agreed with the airline's actions. As you might expect, the comments on the story are, on the whole, harsh and unsupportive of the family.

The fact that this was considered national (though morning) news is a good indicator of how unusual something like this is. Not that the toddler had the tantrum but the fact that the tantrum got her family removed from a plane. This story provides another illustration of the distorted views of parenting and childhood that have become so common (at least in the media). The comments and the results of the poll made it clear that people who responded thought that lack of discipline was the problem and that the parents should have had more control over the situation. Of course, we have a different point of view. Let's look at some pertinent facts.

The toddler involved is 2 years old. A 2-year-old has very little control over their emotions and if she gets overtired, overstimulated, or frightened, she is likely to have a tantrum. While some tantrums can be short and relatively low-key, others can get completely out of hand before the child settles down and all the parents can do is protect the child and others. Many people believe that very young children and toddlers can control their emotions if they only try but their brains are not yet capable of dealing with strong emotions. It is not a matter of choice or discipline, its related to brain maturation. If the child had been 4 or 5, the expectation would have been different. We encourage you to read our series on tantrums (see the links below) to learn more about the research in this area.  

The toddler had missed her nap. Given that the parents couldn't ask the airline to schedule the plane according to their toddler's routine, it is not surprising that the child was overtired and stressed. Traveling can be overwhelming for babies and overstimulation can lead to a lot of tears and difficult behavior. Parents can do a lot to reduce but not eliminate overstimulation while traveling (see the links below) and sometimes difficult behavior will result. Most of the time tantrums are short and self-limited when parents recognize what is happening.  

The parents did not have options typically available for dealing with tantrums. In a restaurant, most parents would take a fussy baby or toddler outside or at least hold them in their laps to limit stimulation or distract them. Getting ready for take-off, these options were not open to the parents but the 2-year-old had no way to know that. The 2-year-old had an expectation that her mother would hold her when she was distressed. At 2, children are not capable of understanding that a plane is different than a restaurant or any other place away from home.

Next time, we'll share some ideas about what might have been helpful in this situation. In the meantime, let us hear from you if you have any traveling stories with your children, good or bad.

Tantrums:

http://www.secretsofbabybehavior.com/2010/07/lets-talk-about-tantrums-part-i-basics.html

http://www.secretsofbabybehavior.com/2010/07/lets-talk-about-tantrums-part-2-common.html

http://www.secretsofbabybehavior.com/2010/07/lets-talk-about-tantrums-part-3.html

Traveling with Babies:

http://www.secretsofbabybehavior.com/2009/12/slight-detour-10-tips-for-traveling.html

http://www.secretsofbabybehavior.com/2010/08/10-tips-for-traveling-on-your-own-with_10.html

Travel Tips Revisited!

Given that we are entering the busy holiday travel season, we wanted to share some of our most popular posts about traveling with babies.

For the basics, read "10 Tips for Traveling with Your Baby"

If you'll be traveling on your own with your baby, read "10 Tips for Traveling (on your own) with Your Baby"

Our readers know that we spend a lot of time traveling and sitting in airports. We know how negative people can be when they see families with babies boarding their planes. Just take a deep breath, use your skills to help your baby be as comfortable as possible, and let go of the rest. Maybe, if we're lucky, one of us will be sitting nearby and you can introduce us to your baby. In the meantime, we wish you pleasant and safe travels!

Staying Connected While Separated from Your Child

By Taryn Barrette, RD
Though far from an ideal situation, it is becoming more common for caregivers to have career or other obligations that keep them separated from their children for extended periods of time. Whether you are a grandparent living 3000 miles from your granddaughter, a member of the armed forces stationed overseas, or a parent who is required to take frequent business trips, you know the pain that comes from being absent during your child’s day-to-day growth and development. You may worry that you’ll miss some of your child’s most important milestones (like sitting up, walking, talking, or enjoying storybooks) even if you are away for only short periods of time. It is normal to want to be with your growing child and to feel upset by your absence. The good news is that there are ways that you can continue to stay connected to your child during these pivotal times despite being many miles away!

Technology and the Virtual “You”

When you can’t physically be with your child, the second best option is to be there virtually. Services like Skype, Google video chat, and Facebook offer options to video chat from a distance. Video chats allow you to see your baby and for your baby to see and hear you in real time, allowing for “face-to-face” interaction. While adding video may not seem very different from a phone conversation, babies are drawn to visually stimulating images. That means that being able to see his dad or grandma’s face is far more engaging for a baby who can't understand where the voice on the phone is coming from. Toddlers and preschoolers may be more interested in the phone, but they can be difficult to understand. When you can read your child's facial expressions and pick up on subtle cues you see through video, the conversation can be more rewarding for you as well as your child.

If you don’t have access to video, talking to your child on the phone is still a worthwhile option. Just be prepared that you may not have much of a conversation until the child is much older. You might want to try using the phone to sing to your baby or tell a story. Make sure that your child has a picture of you nearby so that your child can make a connection between the voice on the phone and your face.

Sending notes and small gifts can be fun for you and your child. Cards and care packages are exciting for older children and having a photo album or special trinket that your child can hold will remind him of special moments with his long-distance parent or other family member.

Reading To Your Distant Child

Knowing that reading to your child has profound benefits for your child, consider using a video chat service to read to your child. You might need 2 copies of the same book so that you can see the pages as your child sees them. Many classic children’s books can be obtained in paperback for very little money. For those of you who want something a little fancier, we found an organization that offers a way for you to record a video of yourself as you read. A Story Before Bed allows you to purchase a book from their online library and then record yourself reading that book (through the web camera on your computer or mobile device). According to their website, the company is in about half-way through a campaign to donate 250,000 free bedtime stories to military families who have a loved one stationed overseas. There may be other companies that do the same thing.

Helping Your Child Understand More About Your Trip

Traveling is an abstract idea for young children. You can help make the concept more concrete for them by pinpointing your location on a map (on paper or online). If your trip includes multiple destinations, you can use a globe or a large map tacked to the wall to help your child trace the route you are taking directly onto the map. You also might have your child “count down the days” until you return by crossing the days off a calendar or removing items from a bowl containing the same number of objects as the number of days you will be gone. For example, the bowl would have 7 rocks or bean bags if you were going to be gone for a week.

These are just a few ideas to help make necessary separations easier. We’re sure that many of you have discovered other great ways to foster a long-distance relationship with your child. If you have any ideas you would like to share, we would love to hear from you!

Sources and Further Reading:

1. Schachman, K. Online Fathering: The Experience of First-Time Fatherhood in Combat-Deployed Troops. Nursing Research. 2010. 59:1; 11-17.

2. Faure, M., Richardson, A. Baby Sense. New York, NY: Citadel Press, 2006.

10 Tips for Traveling (on your own) With Your Baby

Sitting at my departure gate in a busy airport, I noticed a dad pushing through the crowd with a 6-month-old baby asleep on his shoulder and his 3-year-old daughter at his side. The trio looked exhausted as the dad maneuvered his daughter into one of the few empty seats at the gate. Two women were sitting next to me and the three of us stood up reflexively to offer them our seats. At first, the dad refused the offer but gave up quickly as the baby began to stir on his shoulder. He explained that they had been traveling across country since early morning and they were on the last leg of a 3-stop trip to join his wife in California. The adventure had been a tough one, full of crowds, irritated passengers, and no place in the men's rooms to change the baby. I'm sure it is no surprise to any of you, that we thought we should share some tips about flying on your own with your baby.

1. Do your homework before you leave for the airport.

Many airports offer information online including the location of family restrooms (especially important for dads who may not find any accommodation for babies or other children in the men’s room). Be sure to find out where those restrooms are located in all of the airports on your route. Also, see if they have special (low pressure) lines for families at the security check points. Check with your airline for policies and rules related to family boarding, carry-on bags, car seats, and strollers. You don’t want to be stuck trying to consolidate your luggage or repackage liquids on the floor at the gate. Better to do some research before you leave your home.

2. Prepare and practice.

You may be a pro with collapsing your stroller and putting your baby in a carrier or sling when you have two hands but in a crowded airport with boarding passes in your hand, you might not have both hands free. Take the time to practice manipulating all of your traveling gear with one hand and/or with limited elbow room.

3. Dress yourself and your baby appropriately.

Air travel can involve a lot of temperature changes as you pass through hot airports into cold planes and back again. Best to bring layers of clothing that can be easily added or removed. Don’t forget the metal detectors! Breeze through security by minimizing the metal that you wear (watches, jewelry, belt buckles, etc) or that might be on your baby (ditch the clothing with dozens of snaps or metal buckles). Make sure everyone has shoes that are easily removed and put back on again.

4. Keep your child close to you.

For families traveling with toddlers, you want to take steps to make sure that your child does not move very far away from you. I’ve seen more than one family searching around in a panic after having lost sight of a young child in the crowd. While it is not likely that your child will go far, there are just too many opportunities for children to get hurt in airports. Keep your eyes open for hazards and your child in your arms or at your side.

5. When you have a choice, travel when your child is likely to be happy.

I realize that we are all at the mercy of the airlines when it comes to departure times, but if you have the option, try to schedule flights to coincide with your baby’s happiest times of the day. If that isn’t possible, you might find it helps to fly at off peak times (usually late morning to mid-afternoon in the middle of the week). Smaller crowds and less pressure to hurry can help reduce your stress.

6. Don’t be afraid to ask for help.

While airports and airplanes are not known to be baby-friendly places, there will always be a few experienced parents or grandparents around who know what you are going through and who will be happy to lend a hand (or even 2!).

7. Watch for and address your baby’s disengagement cues.

Airports are brimming with sights, sounds, and smells that may both excite and overwhelm your baby. Be ready to reduce all that stimulation by holding your baby close and/or bringing something to cover the stroller or car seat. Politely limit your baby’s interactions with strangers if you see your baby is tiring of all the fun.

8. Be prepared for your child’s discomfort.

Flying can be particularly tough on babies and toddlers because they can’t move around very much during the flight and they feel unfamiliar and uncomfortable pressure in their ears during the landing. Swallowing can help reduce the pressure in babies’ ears so nursing or feeding babies as the plane descends can help but that isn’t always possible. Reassure and comfort your baby during the rough patches. Don’t worry what others say or do around you, just expect that your baby will need you and do your best to keep him as comfortable as possible.

9. Bring toys and other objects to distract or engage your baby.

Toys that vary in color, size, and texture are more likely to hold your baby’s attention. Bring a variety of little used or new toys that you can rotate through on your trip. Save the toys that are most likely to interest your baby for the parts of the trip when your baby’s movement is restricted. It may help to bring something familiar and soft for your baby when he gets drowsy or unsure. Toys are not likely to help if your baby’s ears are uncomfortable.

10. Keep your sense of humor.

Traveling with babies is tough even with 2 or more adults. With a good sense of humor, you can keep your cool, even with 2 or 3 layovers. It is well known that most adults are not going to be happy about having to sit near an infant in an airplane, some will ignore you and some will be rude. Don’t let these people upset you; you will never see them again. Just do your best and keep your focus on your baby.

Being prepared and having realistic expectations will help you deal with the inevitable challenges that come with traveling with children. Good luck! Let us know if you have some great tips of your own to share.

Next time: We’ll answer another reader’s question.

Reader Question: Visiting Friends with our Baby

Last week we received the following question from one of our readers:

When my daughter was about 9 mos old we visited a good friend of mine that didn't have any kids at the time. The visit was SO stressful because I spent the whole time chasing my very active baby around their house trying to keep her out of their "breakables." My friend has invited us back several times since, but it was so hard the first time that I don't want to go back! How can I tell her that (or make the visit less stressful for me) without offending her?

When we read this question, we immediately identified with this mother’s situation. As mothers of young children ourselves, we each had a story to share of our own challenging visits to friends or family members’ houses that were not exactly “baby friendly.” Personally, I flashed back to a recent vacation we took to visit my best friend in Southern California (hopefully she’s not reading this!). I love my friend, but she and her husband don’t have kids and thus, their beautiful home is decorated with fragile (i.e. tempting) objects. My daughter has never been the type to sit still, and somehow she has it in her mind that “no” actually means “yes.” So, I spent the entire 4 day visit keeping my child from breaking something, making a mess or falling down their very steep staircase. Does this sound like a relaxing vacation to you?

At first I was afraid to say anything to my friend, so I tried reasoning with my daughter instead, saying “those aren’t okay to touch. Let’s play over here.” Then I would show her a safer area to play in. Redirecting her worked for awhile, but after 2 days, I needed a break! Finally, at my wits end, I asked if we could put some of the more delicate items up and out of reach. My friend said “no problem” and I relaxed a bit.

Since you can’t expect your mobile baby or toddler to sit still for long periods of time or not touch anything when they are driven to explore their environment, nor tell a friend or relative that you do not want to visit them because of the way their house is arranged or decorated, we’ve come up with a few things you can do to make the visit easier on everyone.

1. Ask your friend or family member if breakable items can be put up higher and out of the reach of your baby. Some people without children may not realize that babies as young as 9-months-old can pull themselves up on furniture and reach for items near them.

2. Bring a play pen with toys and books so your baby has safe activities to do. Keep the play pen near you and pack it with your child’s favorite toys to keep his interest.

3. Put a blanket on the floor with books and toys. That way you can sit and engage your baby and socialize with your visitors at the same time.

4. If you are really worried about going to someone else’s house, ask if your friends could come over to your house. Your child will feel more comfortable in his own home and you will be able to relax knowing he can move around freely.

5. If you are visiting around your child’s bedtime remember to bring pajamas and a blanket. Try to stay with your child’s normal bedtime schedule and routine even if you are away from home and be sure there is a safe sleeping space available for your child.

6. Bring a safety gate with you to block off dangerous staircases or rooms that have many breakables. While you’re at it, pack a few power outlet covers.

Remember, babyhood and toddlerhood fly by. Soon, you will be able to take your child on visits just about anywhere without worrying about her destroying your host’s home. Instead, you’ll just have to worry about reminding your newly potty trained child to use the big girl potty so that she doesn’t have an accident on your Aunt’s new white carpet. I guess this job called parenthood never really ends!

Slight Detour: 10 Tips for Traveling with your Baby

Because so many parents travel with their babies during the holidays, we decided to take a slight "detour" from our planned blogs by offering 10 travel tips to lessen your stress while traveling this holiday season.

1. Plan Ahead - Traveling during the holidays can be unpredictable, so it is good to be as prepared as possible. If you are driving, make sure you have good directions and check the driving conditions before you leave. It is a good idea to map out places to stop along the way. If you are flying, remember that airports are busier during the holidays. Plan on arriving at the airport about 2 hours early and try to avoid scheduling layovers that are shorter than 1 hour, just in case there are delays.

2. Comfort is Key - The trip will be much easier if your baby is comfortable, so make sure your baby is dressed appropriately. Even when it is cold outside, avoid bulky clothing that may be uncomfortable when your baby is strapped into a carseat. Instead, bring a blanket or layers of clothing that can be used if you believe your baby is cold.

3. Naptime is a Nice Time - If possible, schedule driving time when your baby will be sleepy. If you are going to be in the car during your baby's naptime, make sure that you provide a lot of fun physical activity or stimulation before you leave so that your baby is worn out by the time you get on the road. If you don't mind driving at night, you can wait until it is bed time to leave (just make sure that you aren't too tired!)

4. Babies Get Bored Too - Riding in the car can be boring, especially for toddlers who have a lot of energy. Now that my daughter is older, we make sure that we have lots of stuff for her to do in the car. We bring music, books, and crayons to keep her entertained (magnetic drawing boards are fun and not messy). When she was younger, we would put colorful toys down by her feet for her to look at. My husband and I also take turns sitting in the back with her so that she doesn't get lonely.

5. More is better - When packing for a trip, it is better to have a few extra outfits and diapers than to be stuck in a car or airplane with a stinky baby. Remember to pack clothes for different kinds of weather. Even if you are traveling to somewhere warm, you don't want to risk an unexpected weather change making your baby uncomfortable.

6. Sailing through Security - With the extra baggage (car seat, stroller, etc) and the extra rules, flying with an infant certainly can be an adventure. For those of you traveling in the US, the Transportation Security Administration (TSA) has a very useful website that provides tips for getting through security with kids efficiently. Be sure to check with your airline or local transportation administration to find out the rules before you go the airport.

7. Fussing while Flying - It is inevitable that your baby will fuss sometime during a flight. Don't let anyone bother or intimidate you if they complain or give you dirty looks. The flight won't last forever and you can only do your best. Have you noticed that babies on planes tend to be most fussy during take-offs and landings? This is because the pressure changes can cause discomfort in babies' ears. The best way to prevent discomfort is to breastfeed the baby during take-off and landing. Besides reducing the pressure, breastfeeding is comforting to the baby. Bottles and pacifiers can help reduce the pressure too, if breastfeeding is not an option.

8. Different Location, Same Routine - Babies do best when they can predict what is going to happen next (See Repetition in a Baby's Daily Life). We know that keeping a routine can be almost impossible when you are traveling, but remember that your baby will be much happier if you can keep things as normal as possible while you're away from home. Try to keep bed time consistent, eat meals around the same time, bring familiar toys, and don't schedue a lot of activities around your baby's normal nap times.

9. One Less Thing to Pack - Most hotels have cribs that can be brought to the room so that you don't have to bring your own. When you make your reservation, ask about reserving a crib. If you aren't able to reserve it at that time, call right before check-in to reserve one. Many hotels will have it ready and waiting for you when you arrive.

10. Pay Close Attention to Cues - Traveling during the holidays usually means visiting a lot of people; some your baby will know well and others she may not. Watch for your baby's cues (especially her "need a break" cues) to keep her from getting too overwhelmed by all the excitement around her. It is also helpful to plan some downtime when you and your baby can relax together.

Now we want to hear from you! What tips do you have for parents traveling with their infants and toddlers?