Babies' Emotions: A Review

 

 

 

This week we're sharing some classic posts on babies and their emotions.

Where do babies learn about emotions? What role do you play in the development of your baby's emotions? We've covered these topics in the following posts:

Babies Emotional Development: The Power of Synchrony

Babies Emotional Development: Social Referencing Part 1

Babies Emotional Development: Social References Part 2

We've also shared several posts on how parents influence their babies' view of the world. Your baby is learning about emotions and how and when to display them from watching you! Remember that next time you drop something on your toe:

The Two-Way Mirror: How Parents Influence Babies' World View

Polishing the Mirror: Simple Ways to Reflect the Best of Yourself to Your Baby

For those of you with older babies and toddlers, we also wrote a series of posts to help you understand and cope with tantrums:

Let's Talk about Tantrums: The Basics

Let's Talk about Tantrums: Common Triggers

Let's Talk about Tantrums: Preventing and Coping with Tantrums

Baby Behavior in the News: Poll shows that 1 in 5 mothers medicate children to sleep

A few days ago, I signed onto the internet to check my email and I saw this headline: “What’s your deepest, darkest secret? Moms confess in our survey.” Given my roles as a mom and researcher, this headline caught my attention. This article, the first in a week-long series on the reality of motherhood, summarizes the secrets and confessions revealed in a online-survey of more than 26,000 moms, conducted by TODAY Moms and Parenting.com. Most of the article focuses on assuring mothers that they aren’t alone, that parenting is a hard job, and that it’s normal to feel overwhelmed. Even as I got to the bottom of the page, my mind kept going back to the very first “secret” listed at the beginning of the article: “Nearly one in five moms admits medicating their child to get through a special event like a plane flight; one in 12 does it just to get some peace and quiet on a regular night.”

It turns out that this “secret” was the topic of the next article in the series, titled "Medicating your kids for peace and quiet: Is it ever ok?" In this article, the authors provide quotes from moms who describe using medications like Benadryl and Tylenol on a regular basis and commentary from NBC’s Chief medical editor, who seems to downplay the practice and the risks associated with it. Although she mentions the risks of overdosing or experiencing unexpected reactions, she also states that “every doctor she knows who’s a parent has tried this trick at some point.” The practice of using medications to “improve” sleep in young children is not new to us; we’ve posted on this very practice in the past (click here). In our previous post, we described several research studies about the use of antihistamines as sleep aides, but until now we haven’t seen it discussed so casually.

Before we continue discussing the survey results and article, I want to clarify a few things:

1. We completely understand what it is like to be a desperate parent who will do almost anything for a good night’s sleep. Having young children is a full-time, physically- and mentally-demanding job. I can honestly admit that it is the hardest job I’ve ever had.

2. Just because a medication is available over the counter, that doesn’t mean it is safe for everyone, nor should it be used for reasons other than intended. Children’s Benadryl is an allergy medication, not a sleep aide; the box clearly states “Do not use to make a child sleepy” and that it shouldn’t be given to children under 4 and only to 4-6 year olds with a doctor’s instructions.

3. We have not seen the actual survey used to collect these data. This is important to mention because the structure, wording, and order of survey questions can have a huge impact on the survey results.

While we acknowledge that dealing with infants can be challenging and we hope that the survey results are an overestimation, the fact that any parent feels like there is no other way to get peace and quiet is alarming. As a society, we need to ask ourselves 2 questions:

How did we get to the point where we drug our children to get them to sleep?
Like I said above, we get it. We’ve been sleep deprived and we’ve met mothers all over the country who’ve expressed dismay about their babies’ sleep patterns. Being overwhelmed as a parent is not something to be ashamed of; it is a fact of life. It seems that some parents have lost sight of the responsibility that comes with being a parent. While the short term goal is met by drugging children to sleep, parents don’t seem to be considering the long-term damage they could be doing. All medications come with risks for side effects and just as the article says, using medication to put babies to sleep on a routine basis is “depriving them of the chance to learn how to calm down and put themselves to sleep.”

What can we do to prevent this from happening?
This is a much harder question to answer. As a society, we need to change the belief that medicating children to sleep is acceptable and, in my opinion, that starts with doctors. If, as the physician interviewed for the article says, doctors condone this technique, that is the first thing that needs to change. Parents trust their doctors’ advice and by recommending that parents deal with their stress in this way, they are not only putting the child’s health at risk, but they are also harming the relationship between parents and their children. As we described in our original post, only one study has tested the safety of these medications in infants and another study suggested that over 50% of pediatricians have recommended them as solutions to sleep “problems.” Instead, parents should be educated about what to expect, how babies’ sleep patterns change over time, and why babies sleep the way they do. Parents need to be given tools to deal with the stress of parenting and support for when they feel overwhelmed. If you are a parent of newborn, reach out to friends and family and let them know you need some help with the chores or other children while you get a little rest. If you are a parent of an older child, call a friend with a newborn and offer to take the kids to the park or to fold the laundry.

When we started this blog 2 years ago, we started our welcome message saying “It's time to use a little common sense and readjust our thinking” (see the message on the left side of the screen, under the baby picture) and it still applies today. The purpose of this blog is to provide research-based information combined with real-world experience to help parents understand their babies. Over the next few weeks, we will be summarizing our past sleep posts to help our readers find the information they need. If you are a new parent, please look through our past posts and if you don’t find the answers to your questions, send us a comment. We’ll do our best to answer your question quickly.

And Baby Makes Three - Part 4: The Realities of Becoming a Dad

In the first 3 installments of this series, we talked about the joys and challenges of couples’ transition to parenthood. We’ll finish this series with two posts about how this transition differs for men versus women. While most of the studies of early parenthood are focused on moms, recent studies have explored parenting from the dads' perspective. We realize that each father enters parenthood in his own way, but there do seem to be some generalities that come up again and again. In this post, we’ll share a few these findings with you.

Lost in the Shuffle

Many fathers reported feeling left out of the picture during their partners’ pregnancies. Visits to the doctor or midwife were centered on the mother’s condition and feelings and many dads felt there wasn’t time to get their own questions answered. Prenatal and childbirth classes weren’t much help either because very little time was spent on topics directly related to being a father. Support from friends and family tended to be focused on the mom's needs as if she would be the only one affected by the birth of the baby. While dads wanted to support their partners, they felt that little useful information or advice was offered to them.

Dealing with Reality

Just as many mothers anticipate what their babies will be like, fathers spend much of pregnancy imagining their new lives with a newborn. The babies in parents' dreams are often nothing like the real thing. Many men have little experience caring for babies and some new fathers know almost nothing about newborns or how to care for them. Fathers in the studies reported feeling frustrated because they wanted their babies and partners to be happy yet they didn't have the skills to be much help. Dads were overwhelmed by the work needed to take care of babies and the sudden radical changes in their relationships with their partners. They relied on trial and error, friends, and their partners to help them build their confidence as new dads. Over time, they learned how to recognize and address their babies' needs. Despite their new abilities, many of the dads found that their efforts weren't recognized by friends, family, or professionals. They were still seen as the "second string" when it came to parenting and the lack of recognition of their importance in their babies' lives was a big source of frustration.

Building a Bond

In the 1960s (of Mad Men fame), the stereotypical man went back to work the day after his baby was born and accordingly, he had very little to do with his child until he bought him/her a basketball as an 8th birthday present. Those days are long gone. Most of today’s fathers want to play an active role in their children’s lives. Dads in the studies enjoyed spending time with their newborns and feeling that they were providing the care their babies needed, especially when their babies were able to respond by calming down or smiling back at them. Dads sometimes thought that feeding was the only way to bond with babies and some fathers of breastfeeding babies reported being disappointed that they had to “wait” to bond with their babies until breastfeeding was over. Of course, Secrets readers know that feeding is only part of parents’ connections with babies. Dads who understand baby behavior can play a powerful role (no matter how their babies are fed) as the “translator” of their babies' “language” (especially for sleepy and sore new moms) while providing a consistent source of love and comfort to their babies.

Building baby care skills helped fathers in the studies feel more confident, connected, and in control. They learned how to support and protect their new families through trial and error, from other dads, and reading. We know we have dad-readers out there and we hope that you’ll share your questions with us. Let us know what’s confusing you; we’re here to help.

Next time: And Baby Makes Three - Part 5: The Rocky Road to Becoming a Mother

References
Goodman JH. Becoming an involved father of an infant. JOGNN 2005; 34: 190-200.
Deave T, et al. Transition to parenthood: the needs of parents in pregnancy and early childhood. BMC Pregnancy and Childbirth 2008; 8:30.

And Baby Makes Three Part 3- The Challenge of Change

In the first 2 installments of this series on parents' relationships, we talked about how having a baby can change couples' relationships and then we explained how one research study describes how couples become a family. In this installment, we'll talk about how these charming little beings can wreak such havoc on their parents. In what specific ways must couples change when their newborn comes along?

A New Orbit

When two people are at the start of their relationship with each other, they tend to feel as if they are the center of their own universe. They sneak away to their own special places, develop inside jokes, and smile secretly to each other among friends about shared experiences. Even during pregnancy, couples plan, fret, and dream together. Then, quite suddenly, the couple finds that their universe has shifted, they have a new orbit and this one, revolves around the baby. This reorientation can be tough at first but it doesn't take long before new routines fall into place. Children are an incredible source of inside jokes and shared experience - your new orbit will feel just as comfortable as the old one. You just need to give it some time.

No Solid Ground

Even if pre-baby couples felt confident in every other aspect of their lives, they often feel lost when it comes to the new baby. They recognize that the baby is so vulnerable but sometimes feel unsure about how to help when the baby is unhappy. We hope that our "secrets" are helping you feel confident that you understand what your baby needs, even if we can't help you catch up on all that lost sleep!

So Much to Do and So Little Time

Caring for tiny new babies takes an enormous amount of work. Feedings, diaper changes, baths, dressing, calming, and playing all take time. Using some very unscientific methods, we estimated that the average couple spends about 9 hours a day (24 hours) caring for their newborn - 300 minutes feeding, 45 minutes with diaper changes and cord care, 160 minutes calming (only at the peak of fussiness in the first 6 weeks), and 40 minutes playing and interacting. These activities don't include household chores, eating, showers, visiting, doctors' appointments, being with each other, and oh yes, sleeping. The baby will sleep 13-14 hours per day (in spurts of course). Let's say you manage to sleep 12 hours in bits and pieces, that leaves you about 3 hours per day for everything you did before you had the baby. So, when you feel like you have no time to get anything done, you're right! Things do get better as parents get more efficient and as babies get older and easier to care for, but those first few weeks are overwhelming.

Moving at Snails' Pace

Just when couples have more to do than they ever had in their lives, they find that even the smallest things, like going to the grocery store, takes forever. Going anywhere with the baby means packing and repacking, and checking and rechecking, using the unfamiliar car seat, the ever-jamming stroller, and everyone who knows you will want to stop and say hello (and tell you crazy stories about their own birth and newborn experiences). Unfortunately, it takes a long time before you feel like you can go anywhere quickly. With toddlers, the whole world slows even more (I used to like that!). But you can reduce your stress if you just plan for the time, including the time needed to deal with the big diaper blow out just as you get everyone settled in the car.

New Parents Need New Ways to Communicate

New parents may not believe me, but all the knowing smiles, the laughter, and the fun will come back, but while you're struggling through the early weeks, you need to be very careful with each other. When it was just the two of you, you may have thought that you could read each others' minds but don't assume that you can do that when the baby is young. You're both going to feel unsure, tired, and overwhelmed so you need to find new and direct ways to communicate your needs.

For those of you who have "been there" - we'd love to hear from you about your big changes and especially what you think of our 9 hour workload estimate! Let us know by leaving a comment.

Next time: And Baby Makes Three Part 4: How the Adjustment to Parenthood Differs for Women vs. Men

References
Fowles ER, Horowitz JA. Clinical Assessment of Mothering During Infancy. JOGNN 2006; 35: 662-670.

Deave T et al. Transition to Parenthood: The Needs of Parents in Pregnancy and Early Parenthood. BMC Pregnancy and Childbirth 2008; 8:30.