Baby Behavior Basics Part 4: Crying: Your Baby’s Super Power

Newborns seem to be so tiny and helpless. They need their parents to keep them fed, safe, warm, and dry yet, they can’t use words to describe what they need. How then, can babies make sure their needs are met? Instinctively, they use their ultimate “super power;” they cry.
To most adults, a baby’s cry is one of the most irritating sounds on earth. When babies cry, stress hormones are released and parents spring into frantic action as they search for reasons for the crying. With all this activity, it is certain that the child’s needs eventually will be met. By using their special super power, babies, out of necessity, control their little worlds. One of the biggest secrets of baby behavior is that babies’ ability to cry is really a wonderful talent. Of course, most new parents won’t agree.
A better understanding of why babies cry and what parents can do to calm their babies can help everyone feel better. In this post, we’ll provide an overview of infant crying. We’ll talk about “colic” in later posts.

Crying Babies Aren't Always Hungry
Babies cry whenever they feel uncomfortable or distressed. For babies, being hungry is very uncomfortable and healthy babies cry if they are not fed in response to early hunger cues (see Baby Behavior Basics Part 3). However, babies also cry when they are:
· Tired
· Wet or have a dirty diaper
· Over stimulated
· Too cold or too hot
· Startled or scared
· Bored or lonely
· Sick or in pain
· Frustrated

Using Crying Babies' Cues
Since young babies cry to indicate any kind of distress, parents have to rely on other cues to understand why their babies are crying. Generally, babies who are hungry use many cues to make sure that food is on the way! For details about these and other baby cues, see our last post, Baby Behavior Basics Part 3. Babies who are not hungry will use other cues when they cry. For example, babies who are over stimulated by too many sights, sounds, smells, or well-intentioned relatives may cry and use “disengagement cues” such as turning or arching away. Babies who are over tired, may open and close their eyes and nod their heads as they cry.

If babies don’t get a response to their subtler cues, they will cry. That means responding to early cues can help reduce crying. Remember, young babies can't communicate specific messages and you need to think “big picture” when trying to interpret your baby's cues. Fortunately, as you and your baby get to know each other, you’ll get better at anticipating your baby's needs and recognizing her cues.

Calming the Storm: Repetition, Repetition, Repetition
Unfortunately, fixing the problem (such as removing the barking dog or changing the diaper) doesn’t always stop the crying. Sometimes, babies cry even if there is nothing obviously wrong. Fortunately, there is a solution. Babies are hard-wired to respond to repetition by calming down. That’s why singing, rocking, or riding in the car can help quiet crying babies. Many parents will instinctively pick up their crying babies, hold them close, rock them back and forth, and softly repeat the same words. These instincts are great! Problems start when parents give up too soon because their babies may not calm down right away. Depending on how upset they are, babies can take awhile to relax. By trying lots of different things to stop the crying, parents can make their babies even more upset. Be patient! Keep doing the same thing over and over until your little one feels better.

When the Crying Makes You Crazy
Infant crying is very stressful and in these challenging times, one more stress might be just too much to take. If you feel angry, helpless, or overwhelmed in dealing with your baby’s crying, it is time to get help. While your baby has his “super power” to make sure his needs are met, it is important that you don’t try to be “super human” and deal with your rollercoaster emotions on your own. If you feel out of control, ask a trusted friend or family member to care for your baby or put your baby down in a safe place so that you can take a short break. Every new parent has moments of extreme frustration and fatigue. Talk to your doctor if these moments don’t pass quickly.

Next time: You’ll meet the rest of the moms at the UC Davis Human Lactation Center!

Baby Behavior Basics Part 3 – Learning and Creating Your Baby’s Special Language

One of the most astonishing things about newborns is their ability to communicate almost from the moment they are born. Without words, they manage to let their parents know when they want to eat, learn, play, or rest. They also can use their bodies and some awful noises to send unmistakable signals when they need a break (or a diaper change!). In the past, experienced friends and family members were there to help moms “decode” baby messages. These days, many new parents are on their own in trying to understand their babies’ signals, called “cues.” In this post, we’ll help you translate the seemingly random movements and sounds that your baby makes into comprehensible messages. We’re going to tell you about “engagement cues,” “disengagement cues,” and “clustered cues.”

Engagement cues – When babies want to interact with the people who love them (or anyone nearby), they will instinctively look, move, and make noise in specific ways. Collectively, these movements and noises are called “engagement cues.”
What you’ll see – Your baby will have wide open eyes and look at you or a toy as if they are trying to memorize what they see. Their faces and their bodies will be relaxed and they will use smooth body movements. Older babies may smile and try to touch or taste whatever interests them. When they are very excited, babies will kick their legs and squirm with glee.
What you can do – Using engagement cues, your baby is asking you to help her learn more about you and her new world. At first, your baby will be content just looking at your face and listening to your voice. Later, she’ll want to play more complicated games. Enjoy this time together but be prepared to watch for signs that your baby might be tiring. Engaging with you is hard work!

Disengagement cues – When babies need a break, either for a moment or a nap, they’ll use a different set of movements and noises to make sure you know it. These signs are called “disengagement cues.”
What you’ll see – Your baby may close his eyes, turn his face or body away from you or he may arch or twist his body away. His muscles will be tense and he may frown or look like he is about to cry. If he’s not allowed to take a break, he will start crying to make sure you know what to do. Older babies will stiffen their hands and bring them up towards their faces; they may try to change position, have you pick them up or put them down.
What you can do – Let your baby take a break! Stop whatever you were doing; reduce stimulation in the environment (noises, lights, toys, or interactions) that might have been too much for your baby. Pay close attention and see if your baby is happy with a short break or if he may need a longer one or a big change of scene. Babies who are over stimulated by what is going on around them will use disengagement cues but babies have a very limited ability to communicate. While they can tell you when they need a break, they can’t tell you why they need the break. If you pick up your fussy baby and he arches away from you, he might be trying to tell you that the TV is too loud or that the dog smells bad. Sometimes the problem will be obvious; other times you’ll need to be a detective to figure out what has upset your baby.

The Ultimate Baby Body Language: Clustered Cues
It wouldn’t make sense that it could be hard to tell when a baby is hungry. If people needed a PhD to tell when babies needed to eat, babies wouldn’t survive. Babies will give parents lots of cues, called “clustered cues,” when they need them to do important things. A hungry newborn will move her head looking for something to suck on. She will pull her hands and her knees upward toward her face. She will make sucking noises and try to suck on anything she can find. If no one feeds her right away (babies don’t like to wait), she will start crying while still using all the other cues. Older babies will try to get into a breastfeeding position, or excitedly reach for the bottle or spoon. Babies use clustered cues to show they are full too. They relax their muscles, slow down in their eating, let their hands fall away from their face, and sometimes fall asleep. Making sure you know when to stop feeding is just as important to your baby as letting you know she needs to eat. It is important when parents hear their babies cry that they check for clustered hunger cues before they assume they are hungry.

Creating Your Own Special Language
Now that I’ve made it all sound so simple, I do have to warn you that some babies are not born able to give clear cues. Some babies have to develop their skills over the first few days and weeks. Fortunately, nature makes sure that things turn out well; when parents respond to babies’ signals, babies get better at using cues and parents get better at reading them. After a relatively short time, parents and babies develop their own special language and this continues as children get older and learn other ways to communicate, including using words. We’d love to hear about your baby’s special ways of communicating with you.

Next time: Crying: Your Baby’s Super Power