Reader Question: Nursing Your Young Baby to Sleep

By: Jennifer Goldbronn

Recently, we received a question from a reader about nursing her 11-week-old to sleep. We have been asked many times whether or not babies get “used to” being nursed to sleep and whether or not it affects his or her ability to get back to sleep alone.  Here is one reader’s story:

My baby is 11 weeks old and I nurse him to sleep. He wakes up several times a night and I doubt he's always waking due to hunger. I have read that I may be contributing to his night wakings by nursing him to sleep and thus preventing him from learning how to self soothe (ie when he wakes he's unable to settle himself to sleep and so I have to nurse him).  If I am cultivating a problem I'd like to nip it in the bud sooner rather than later.

Self-Soothing

At 3 months of age, babies are able to self-soothe back to sleep after night wakings only about 0ne-third of the time. By 1 year, infants are able to self-soothe back to sleep about half of the time.  (Burnham 2002) When babies are not able to get back to sleep on their own, they will need a caregiver’s help, whether that be rocking or singing or nursing, to get back to sleep during the night. Babies do get “used to” how they fall asleep, but not at this young of an age. As babies get older parents can create a bedtime routine that does not include nursing as the last step. For this reader, nursing or rocking her young baby to sleep now does not mean she will have to continue this routine forever!

Night Waking

Babies wake for many reasons other than hunger, though they also need to be fed frequently! Babies also wake when they are too hot or cold, lonely (at this age babies need to interact with caregivers often) or just plain uncomfortable. Since young babies enter into light sleep first, they do wake very easily so it’s helpful to wait until they get into deep sleep before you lay them down. Holding or rocking to sleep are examples of ways to soothe your baby until he enters deep sleep. (For more information about light and deep sleep, click here.) It gets easier! By around 4 months of age babies fall into deep sleep first and won’t need as much help from you at bedtime.  Here are some other tips to get a little more sleep when dealing with the inevitable waking of your little one.

More Information

Falling asleep and staying asleep are 2 very different things. Learn the difference between the two in this post. The recommendation to lay your baby down to sleep awake vs. asleep is also discussed in this post.

As we mentioned above, there are many reasons babies wake during the night; you will find a full list of reasons in this post. You can also read about establishing routines in older babies.

Sleep patterns change a lot as babies get older. Learn more about the specifics of sleep patterns of babies 6-16 weeks of age in this post.

Reference

Burnham MM, Goodlin-Jones BL, Gaylor EE, Anders TF. Nighttime sleep-wake patterns and self-soothing from birth to one year of age: a longitudinal intervention study. J Child Psychol Psychiatry. 2002;43:713-25

Are You Adding to Your Baby's Fears?

Nearly every parent goes through it. You walk into a room filled with loving friends and family and your 9-month-old starts shrieking with fear, and clinging to your neck as if being put down would bring certain disaster. At first, your relatives come closer, trying to distract your baby with smiling faces and noisy toys. Your baby only frantically pulls away. Embarrassed and frustrated, you take your baby to another room and spend the party waiting for your baby to get tired enough for a nap.
While some babies are just more fearful than others, there is a lot you can do to help your baby deal with his fears or you can make things a lot worse. In this post, we'll focus on babies' fears.

Temperament and Fear in Babies

In past posts, we've shared information about babies "temperament," the specific set of traits that give babies their unique personalities. We've also talked about how babies' temperaments can influence their relationships. Babies who are timid or who have intense reactions to new things are more likely than babies who are not to become fearful in new (or crowded) situations, especially when they are older than 6 months. Parents with those babies are not going to be able to keep them from reacting when they go into large groups or loud and busy places. But, parents can make things much worse if they don't understand how babies learn about their world and their emotions.

Your Face Says it All

Instinctively, babies will look their caregivers' faces when they are unsure how they should feel. When they see something new, they will glance at mom or dad to see what they think of the new object. Smiling, relaxed faces send a signal that the object is safe to explore. When babies meet a new person, they will look at their caregiver's face to figure out if this new person is safe and friendly or someone to avoid. This is called "social referencing." Parents who understand social referencing can help their babies deal more positively with new situations. For example, any parent in the situation described above is likely to be upset (embarrassment, frustration, and even a little anger may be on the parent's face). Their timid baby sees the large loud group and pulls back. Someone comes closer and the baby starts to cry, looking quickly at the parent's face. Seeing mom's negative expression makes the baby certain that this is a scary situation and things get much worse. Alternatively, parents who understand what is happening can keep their faces and body language positive, relaxed, and reassuring as their baby looks around. They can let friends and family know that the baby needs a minute to get used to things before they come too close.

While staying positive won't take all the fear away, it won't last as long.  Don't forget that "repetition to soothe" can be helpful in calming babies at any age but you want to make sure that you don't look or sound upset while you soothe your baby. And if you can, try not to keep the baby away from all the fun for too long. While your fearful baby will need lots of your attention and reassurance, your baby will learn in the long run that friends and family are not so scary after all.